More Christmas Temple shots

Oakland, CA

I was up at the temple again tonight for what could be considered a date (though it didn't start out that way and I don't think the girl would call it that so I won't call it that). We went to see this dance performance thingy that didn't suck. After the performance, we walked around while I talked and I took pictures. I thought Amye might enjoy these.

(By the way, Yesterdays PAD got nixed from the boss. And I quote "Sean, that picture might scare the children so you need a different one.")

for the wall

Oakley, CA

The Antioch office has a big wall with all of the employees' pictures on it. Well - all except one. For several months I have been dodging the request to turn in a picture of myself. I used the excuses that seemed to work "I keep forgetting." "We don't have any film for the Polaroid." "I'll get to it next week." And so on and so forth. Well - word got out that not only do I have access to a camera - but I take pictures every day. Some of my co-workers even know about my blog (this one not that one). So word came down from the big boss that I need to turn in a picture by Friday of next week to have it put on the board. So today at work I spent some time taking pictures of myself looking bored, unimpressed and generally bland. This was one of the better ones. If I remember next time I'm at the Antioch office I'll take pictures of the board so you can see what I am compared to.

Reversed Tender Mercies

“But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” - 1 Ne. 1:20

"If, however, I had been invited to suggest an intermediate hymn for that particular session of the conference—a hymn that would have been both edifying and spiritually soothing for me and for the congregation before my first address in this Conference Center—I would have selected my favorite hymn, 'Redeemer of Israel.' Tears filled my eyes as I stood with you to sing that stirring hymn of the Restoration. My mind was drawn immediately to Nephi’s phrase “the tender mercies of the Lord,” and I knew in that very moment I was experiencing just such a tender mercy. A loving Savior was sending me a most personal and timely message of comfort and reassurance through a hymn selected weeks previously. Some may count this experience as simply a nice coincidence, but I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." - David A Bednar

I love Music. I love the rhythm, the beat and how certain songs just soothe. I am often singing at the top of my lungs as I drive (usually country music) and I have several CDs, iTunes and my family even purchased me a Sirius Satellite system 1 year ago. I LOVE music. My missionary farewell (back when you could have farewells) had more songs than speakers. (Mind you none of them were mine as I have been kicked out of church choirs and I can't play any instruments but the Kazoou.). My "manly Man" friends tease me because I love going to symphonies and musicals and other classical events. But I can't help it - I just love music.

However, music can also hurt. For about a year I slept with this girl. (And I mean that in the very literal sense. We never did get around to having sex. We just slept together. I lived in Pittsburg, CA and she lived in San Jose CA so at times she was too tired to drive home). I really enjoyed waking up next to her. She was (and still is I'm sure) beautiful. A little while after her sleep overs started I started singing to her this song. It became "our" song. Then we broke up. Every now and then I hear it. It used to bring me pain, but now I just smile. She met a great guy and got married and is now very happy livin in Utah and raising their baby. She's very happy and I'm happy for her.

--
8 Months after my mother died I was accepted to the Lord's University. In April of 2004, I packed up my truck and trailer, and my dad and I got everything ready for me to move to Idaho. The night before I left, KNJ & I enjoyed one last evening together. We knew that we'd see each other in July, and then come September she would be in Provo. I didn't think that ride was going to be the end.

I had to take her home in my mom's old car because my truck was loaded to the gills for the trip to the promise land. The antenna on her car had broken off some time earlier. All we had to listen to was tapes in the car. Playing at the time was the Irish Rovers. The Irish Rovers is a band that doesn't see a lot of air time. The song they were singing that night - I've never heard on the radio. As we drove, KNJ said, "Sean I will always remember tonight. The car, the drive and this song. And so will you." And she's right. I remember that night. It was the last day in Camelot. Invaders would destroy my world starting the very next day.

--
I hear Cat and I's song at least once a week. And each time, I am called upon to remember the bright sun rays shinning through the window blinds on her beautiful brown hair and her pale white face as we awoke each morning. "Good morning beautiful." And I smile.

However, in a reverse tender mercy of the Lord, I never hear KNJ-P's last song. It is one last way that I don't have to be reminded of her. Instead of giving us a last song that I would hear for the rest of my life, the Lord blessed us with a broken antenna and a cassette tape from a band that never got the popularity they deserved. And for that - I am so grateful. Garth may be thankful for unanswered prayers, but I am thankful for reverse mercies - the ones where I don't have to relive that day ever again. The ones where certain songs go unsung or unplayed.

Condensation

Antioch, CA

Oh Christmas tree

Oakley, CA

For some reason I couldn't put up Halloween decorations because it was offensive but the building puts up a Christmas Tree. Even stranger than that, I was volunteered to help set it up by my boss and other people in the building.

cleaning from the inside

"Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also." - Alma 60:23

"By the time the body was hung, the mud and stench had become ingrained in my clothes. I felt miserable, but our work had only begun. Together my father and I cleaned the dead animal. We didn’t finish until about three in the morning. The smell, the slime, the dirt, and the filth clung to me. I went back to the house. Although it has been twenty-five years, the events of the next hour are very vivid in my mind. I remember clearly the satisfaction of removing my shirt. Peeling off each layer of clothing brought relief. I began washing—first my hands, then my arms to the elbows. It was not the kind of dirt that would disappear quickly. Then I showered, first washing the ears, then the hair, back to the hands and fingernails, and to the hair again. It was some time before I felt satisfied that the cleansing was done. Slipping into a clean pair of pajamas, I lay awake in bed for a while reliving the experience. It was four in the morning. I was exhausted, but the feelings of tiredness did not approach the sensational satisfaction of being washed and clean." - Elder Neil L. Andersen

"Polish a turd it's still a turd." - Peanut

I received a letter from Tennessee today.

(On a side note - prior to her mission she didn't really care about my lack of temple worthiness issue. However, since receiving her own endowment - she's really looking forward to being married in the temple. And I love her. So it looks like I may need to fix some things in my life real soon here because, seriously, each letter I get from her I get more giddy. I'm pathetic I know.)

Inside was a bunch of good news including a baptism and a week long vacation from the companion she doesn't like. Also in it was something she learned from her personal study. "[Concerning Alma 60:23] It talks about that we must be clean and repentant on the inside, so that when people look on our outward appearance, they can see someone who is Christlike [the whole way through]." She went on to say that by being obedient to God not just on the outside but in our hearts, allows the spirit to clean us from within.

I don't remember who said it, but there is that old saying that the world would take you out of the slums but God takes the slums out of you. Someone else said that you would change a bad habit faster by studying the Book of Mormon than studying about the habit.

I think this is true.

I'm constantly trying to change my environment. I try to exercise, or not watch certain TV or to not drink certain delicious carbonated and caffeinated drinks. But I always come back to the habits that hold me bound. There is a scripture in the bible that talks about man returning to sin just like a dog returns to vomit, because it is warm and familiar. I've seen drug addicts and alcoholics return to those substances after prison and DUIs and the sort - not because they don't want to change, but because they get scared and need something warm and familiar to make themselves feel better - even if temporarily. For the most part, you ask them if they converted to sobriety or if they just took it out of their lives for a time and usually they hadn't converted to sobriety.

I know I haven't. I have tried just removing myself from the situations that contribute to sin, but I'm not sure I've converted away from sin. I'm not sure I've ever had that "change in [me], or in [my] heart, that [I] have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually." (Mosiah 5:2) I think I'm more of the type of guy to keep a summer home in Babylon.

However, I know it is possible. I know that with the right level of dedication and patience and reliance on One more powerful than me whose yolk is easy and whose burden is light, I can too be converted. And as I am converted from the inside out I will be cleaned. It won't be like the clean I get from slicing up a cow and then taking a shower - it will the clean that allows me to glow from the inside out.

And I'm beginning to see the importance of be cleansed from the inside out. Because no matter how hard I try to eliminate temptation and stress from my life, it will always pop up. And when it does, unless I'm converted and cleansed from the inside, I'll return to my vomit still the same.

fogged grove

Oakley, CA