making it through the storm

As I sat in my office the last 2 hours of the day, it was unavoidable to hear the wind picking up the pace outside. Each time the automatic door opened bigger and bigger gusts of wind were able to force there way into the building. Whether it was predicted or not, we had a cold front and a rain storm on its way.

At 3:30 I adventured out to my truck and saw on my western horizon a dark line forming in the sky. There were no individual clouds, only a thick grey cloud. I drove west, heading right for it.

As I got closer to the dark horizon, I noticed to my right the Delta already engulfed in the suffocating clouds. Around me the wind increased and knocked my light truck bed around like I was a pinata at an Oakland Athletics' batting practice. Shortly before the hill that arose in front of me, the sky began to open up, first my spitting on my windshield, but eventually it came down in sheets and decreased the visibility of the other motorists in front of me. By the time I reached the crest of the hill, little white beads started to pepper the hood of my truck. Hail is not common in California, but this little storm didn't let that deter it. My truck's hood turned from bright red to speckled white.

I pressed on.

By the time I reached the bridge, I was on the other side. The only visibility problem I faced now was the bright sun cascading down from the baby blue sky. The wet pavement reflected the shine up, filled the truck cab with warmth and a little bit of glare. As I looked back over the darkened Delta, I thought of the near ending of the Truman Show. Truman, in the midst of his own storm, shouts up at the sky and screams "Is that the best you can do?" I too felt that way as a smile settled on my face and I thought about the other storms in my life. They might seem dark and able to toss me around. But waiting on just the other side is sunshine and an attitude of "Is that the best you can do? Because that trial - that storm - wasn't nearly enough to knock me off course.

The Kingdom process

My mind, for the last several weeks, has been wrapping around the idea of Building the Kingdom. There are several blogs that I read that ask the question: What am I doing today to build the Kingdom of God? For several weeks, I've been asking the simpler question - how are kingdoms built?

It may surprise you to know that there aren't a whole lot of websites dedicated to building a kingdom. There isn't a "Building Kingdoms for Dummies" book I could borrow from the library. There is much in the history books that talk of kingdoms of past and present, but each article or book refers to kingdoms as they are and not as they became.

For example, the Kingdom of Scotland was united by King Cinead I in 843 (according to wiki). Who made him king is a little fuzzy and how he came to create the Kingdom of Scotland, which in turn became the United Kingdom, also is very hard to understand. However, for the purposes of this discussion, King Cinead I did not leave behind any details of his kingdom. He merely created the dynasty that ruled that island.

This trip into history lead me very uninformed. I still don't understand how kingdoms are created. However, in the course of this research I discovered what some of the parts of the kingdom are and how some people went about expanding their kingdoms.

Components:
One of the first mentioned components of a kingdom was a king. There is a man leading the way. Occasionally there were queens leading the way where I think it was then called a Queendom (but I couldn't confirm that. I did however read reports that if a King fell by way of violent defeat, the queen was either killed as well or forced into a new marriage with the person that just stained his sword with her deceased husband's blood). Once the king was in place he made assignments to those in his kingdom. (Interesting to me, there was no one that placed themselves in an honorable position. Those positions were appointed by the king. It reminded me of Hebrews 5:4.) Rules were established and ways to enforce them were created. Al of this was done as the king oversaw.
The next component was minions or peons. What good is being king if there is no one is below you. So the next component of being king was to have people to rule over. Kingdoms I assume started with a base group of people. For the purposes of this post - let's say it was 12 families. These 12 families listened intently to what the king proclaimed and went about trying to do it. Some did this out of fear but others did this out of love for the king. The king was someone most believed was leading them with their best intentions at heart (if he wasn't he might have to deal with a revolution and those were never fun). We'll talk about expansion in a second, but it is safe to say that as those in the kingdom grew, the role of the king grew and the duties and responsibilities grew for those who were on the counsel of the king.
The last component I found that commonly ran through the Kingdoms I read about was having buildings. The King had his place - often a castle with a throne. The people immediately below the king had their places - the west wing of the kingdom occasionally. Then those below had shacks, small homes, tents and caves. The Kingdom encompassed these smaller establishments. Unless you include the farm land, most of these encampments were included within a castle wall or at least somewhere that was protected from an enemy. At the center of these castle enclosures was a place for the king to meet with the people. It was a place for entertainment, instruction, and enlightenment. It was a place to come and be instructed by the king and to laugh with him as well (usually at the expense of a prisoner and some wild underfed animal). There could be one or several castles within a kingdom.

Expansion:
There seemed to be a lot of reasons for expansion. Some times there would be a group of smaller Kingdoms that would group up to fight off a larger kingdom. There was some kings that measured their success by the size of their kingdoms (which I'm sure is where the comment "It's not the size but what you do with it" comes from - as some kings had huge kingdoms that turned into empires that are now just a footnote in a history book), and so those kings would invade other places, slaughter those that resisted and expand the borders. (according to Malcomb Reynolds it isn't always a good idea to fight against those trying to form an alliance or those expanding their borders)
Another reason for expansion was immigration. And this really has been where my mind has been at for the last few weeks. People came to a kingdom because they liked what it had to offer. the kings rules were fair, just, and merciful. The people liked each other and cared for their neighbors. They were people you wanted to live near. Throngs of people would leave an oppressed place, land or kingdom and give everything they had to be somewhere where they felt they belonged - somewhere inviting. Somewhere that brought peace to their souls and hearts.

--
As congregations in the US shrink, I wonder about the building up of Christ's Kingdom. There is a King. There are places to go for safety. There are chapels and temples that are available to sit at our one Instructor's Feet and be taught. There are wholesome recreational activities within the kingdom walls (roadshows, choirs, pageants, and even beaches and mountains near by). We have the components for the building of His Kingdom. So my thought are with the reasons why people are immigrating away from this Kingdom and to another or others.

Feeling irresponsible

For the last several days I’ve been thinking about what it would feel like to be irresponsible. I’m trying to determine if it is a good feeling or a bad feeling. I tend to err on the side of being responsible. I always have. I’ve long thought that my word and a handshake should be as good as a contract. For the most part it is and that has lead to a very responsible life.

Tomorrow I really would like to go hiking or go to the beach (or both), but it doesn’t look like it is going to happen. My list for tomorrow is as follows: clean rabbit cage, build better rabbit pen, fix broken rabbit hutch, build compost bin, level garden, pull weeds, hoe rows, connect water to garden, return stuff to Lowe’s, finish up at Brian’s place, write up bills, do laundry, clean room, clean bathroom and go hiking. Because these are all things that either need to get done or I said will get done – I need to do them. What I wish I had the ability to do though was to say – Screw it, I’m going to Angel Island.

And that’s really what I’ve been thinking about – why can’t I do that? Why can’t I let go of the consequences and just do? I don’t drink alcohol or date girls that drink because I may be allergic. I don’t smoke because it will probably cause lung cancer. I don’t drive fast, switch lanes erratically or blow past red lights because I might lose control and I might hurt someone or myself. If I say I’m going to do something I do because if I don’t I might leave someone in a bind. In high school Lanae and I used at least one if not two forms of birth control because otherwise we might get her pregnant. I don’t pick up girls at bars and sleep with them because they might have a disease that I would then give to my future wife. I don’t screw around with married girls because it might cause a divorce that would affect the children or I might get her knocked up and then what would we do? I obey the posted speed limit in residential because there might be a kid and, as much as I like having new clients, I do want to hurt a kid. I think it’s really unfair that while I’ve always paid my bill on time and never missed a payment, my credit card company keeps raising my interest rates to help offset all of those people that are defaulting on their credit cards. But do I keep paying – heck yeah. Why? Because I might buy a house or go to grad school some day in the future and I don’t want my credit score screwed with. Also, they agreed to loan me the money and so I agree to pay it back on the crappy terms we agreed to at the time of the loan.

Why can’t I just say screw it and walk away? When others seem to be able to do it so easily – what is it about the maybe’s, the might’s and the possibly’s that have such a hold on me.

Last night I was talking to a friend about God. She was talking about her desire to give up on God. What has He done for her lately that she should trust Him to do anything for her? Knowing the house I grew up in, she asked me why I never gave up. I told her that I had thought about it. I’ve weighed the options: Do I get home safely because in every closing prayer of every meeting I go to someone says “and please bless we all get home safely” or have I gotten home safely because I’m a good driver, my parents taught me how to drive defensively and I obey most traffic signs? When I pray for His spirit (Christlike persona) to be with me and then on some weeks I don’t pray at all and I for the most part feel no different – then why not just forget about Him and go on living my life as I want to? All I could tell her was that there is a God and He probably is in charge and if He is and I give up on Him – then that wouldn’t be very responsible of me. So for now – I put some of my trust in Him on some things and others not so much. Because I said I would (to my mom) and because it is the responsible thing to do. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering what it would feel like to say Screw it and not care if there is or is not a God. I wonder if it would feel anything like it would to say screw it to my credit card, or my reluctance to pick up girls in the bar or my reluctance to blow off my household responsibilities and go to the beach.

Trying to get dating again

After seeing my father have a successful experience, I recently adventured onto a dating site called Plenty of Fish. I’m not a big fan of dating sites but I’m not having a whole lot of other successes. When KNJ-P left 5 years ago, I took the advice of several people and strived to be happy by myself. I developed hobbies that I could do by myself (photography, gardening & hiking – though my father would prefer I didn’t do that last one by my self). Now that I’m pretty happy being independent, suddenly meeting girls has come to a collective stand still – and so it is into the world of internet dating I proceed.

Internet dating is weird. I’m not sure I fully understand it. For instance, there was a girl who was e-mailing me constantly for about three days with all sorts of questions about me and insights into her and then she was gone…never to be heard from again. Then there was a girl who told me she liked this picture of me with a dog. I sent her to this picture of the dog that has better lighting because she seemed really interesting in the dog. Haven’t heard from her since. One girl told me ten minutes from her house was too far even though I was really cute.

Another weird thing is the intro. I’m never quite sure how to start a conversation. For example, I always feel weird suggesting that in their posed and photo shopped picture they look hot when they probably look totally different in person. I don’t want them to think I’m only interested in the pictured (albeit photoshopped) girl. As a former English major, I try to read each profile carefully to find a way to start a conversation, but some girls rely so heavily on their photo shopped image that they don’t even really include a profile paragraph and so you are stuck trying to figure out if there is something to them beyond looking hot on the internet. Also, how do you come off charming, none stalkerish, goal orientated, laid back, intelligent, interested and everything they described in their “About my date” section?
As a final nail in my coffin I’m sure there is a set of rules that no one has told me. How long do you talk through the world wide web before you meet in person and talk? Me personally, I’d rather just get to the date. Talking through a computer is mind blowingly boring and time consuming. I miss the days in my life where I could meet a girl in the Galley at BYUI, have a bite to eat with her, ask her out to a hike, drive (dorm girls without cars always loved going for drives), or even another meal. That’s how Sara and I happened. We met in the galley. I ask her out. She said sure. We went to a Jazz thing, then two other dates and then on a bowling date and then we were “dating.” There was no lengthy interview process through e-mail and instant message. How long do you have to do the e-mail thing when it comes to Internet dating?

Learning the hard way with mole crickets and sprinklers

I'm not a quick learner most of the time. Despite Nina's claims that I am brilliant, at times I'm rather dumb. Yesterday and today has been spent fixing a sprinkler Valve system for a customer. Before I go any further I should probably describe a "customer."

I used to own a landscape company where in I charged people large sums of money to pull their weeds, mow their lawns, trim their trees and work on installing or modifying sprinkler systems. I loved every aspect of it but that first part. I don't really like telling people what I'm worth. I would rather have people tell me what I'm worth to them. This is one of the big reasons I don't work in sales. Some people treasure their lawns and so they pay handsomely. Other people see their lawns as a burden and only want to pay me what they absolutely have to to get the job done. I really don't care either way.

Now that I have a full time job that I love, I usually tell my customers to pay me with food. I HATE grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking (yet I love baking). So in barter I work, and I get fed. I have several vegetarian customers that are opening me up to a world without meat (I never really knew it existed).

Because I don't charge customers, I often tell them the truth. I am self and father taught. I don't guarentee my work and there is a strong chance that I might be wrong. (Though I never am.) (Usually). If you want a professional trades person or a college landscape person - go hire them.

That said - I still try to provide the best work I can.
--
On Saturday, after the game, I was telling my father of my plans. I told him I had a hard sprinkler job coming up. Knowing how much Icharge customers, my father asked me if I needed the job and if they were going to feed me or pay me. If they weren't paying me, why do the job. I told him I needed to do this job to learn. Eight months ago I had the same customer and I did the job and I screwed up. I needed to do this job to teach me about my last screw up.

--
In October of 1999 I met a man who had just talked in General Conference a few weeks before. This man left such a huge impression on me in October conference that year that I remember the talk today. Then a member of the Seventy, Elder Niel L Andersen related the following story.

Let me illustrate with an experience. Our family lived for many years in the state of Florida. Because Florida has a high concentration of sand, lawns there are planted with a large broadleaf grass we call Saint Augustine. A formidable enemy of a Florida lawn is a small, brown insect called a mole cricket.

One evening as my neighbor and I stood on the front steps, he noticed a little bug crossing my sidewalk. “You better spray your lawn,” he warned. “There goes a mole cricket.” I had sprayed the lawn with insecticide not too many weeks previously, and I hardly felt that I had the time or money to do it again so soon.

In the light of the next morning, I examined my lawn closely. It was lush and beautifully green. I looked down into the grass to see if I could see any of the little bugs. I could see none. I remember thinking, “Well, maybe that little mole cricket was just passing through my yard on the way to my neighbor’s yard.”

I watched my lawn for more than a week, looking for signs of invaders, but none was evident. I congratulated myself that I had not overreacted to my neighbor’s warning.

The story, however, has a sad ending. I came out the front door one morning, about 10 days after the conversation with my neighbor. Shockingly, as if it had happened overnight, brown spots covered my lawn. I ran to the garden store, bought the insecticide, and sprayed immediately, but it was too late. The lawn was ruined, and to return it to its former state required a new crop of sod, long hours of work, and large expense.

My neighbor’s warning was central to my lawn’s welfare. He saw things I could not see. He knew something I did not know. He knew that mole crickets live underground and are active only at night, making my daytime examinations ineffective. He knew that mole crickets did not eat the leaves of the grass but rather found nourishment in the roots. He knew that these little inch-long creatures could eat a lot of roots before I would ever see the effect above the ground. I paid a dear price for my smug independence.
--
Yesterday I spent 2.5 hours digging up old pipes and valves in wet rotting sand. Tonight I spent 3 hours building a new manifold and installing as much as I can. I didn't get done and will have to come back on Saturday to finish the job. I was planning on going hiking on Saturday. I was planning on working in my garden on Saturday. I was planning on sleeping in on Saturday. Instead I will wake up and go fix my customers' valve system.

I should have listened to the lessons of old bosses, my father, and my own past experiences. But I didn't. I didn't do any of that 8 months ago and now I get to do it all over again. Hopefully, after Saturday is over I will have learned.
--
Elder Andersen continues:
We live in a wonderful day. The blessings of our generation are lush and beautifully green. With faith in the Savior and obedience to the commandments, our lives can be full of satisfaction and joy.

Yet in these days of much beauty, our challenges in choosing to serve the Lord are more subtle than those of former days, but without question they are as spiritually pervasive. There are spiritual mole crickets that burrow under our protective walls and invade our delicate roots. Many of these insects of wickedness appear small, at times almost invisible. Yet if we do not combat them, they will do damage and attempt to destroy that which is most precious to us.

The warnings of the Prophets and Apostles lead them ever and always to speak of the home and family. Let me demonstrate the warning voice of the Prophets. On February 11 of this year, the First Presidency, with the support of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, sent to every member of the Church a letter of counsel concerning our families. Let me read you just two sentences from this letter:

“We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform” (“Policies, Announcements, and Appointments,” Ensign, June 1999, 80).

What is our reaction to this prophetic counsel? What has been my response and your response to this First Presidency letter of nearly eight months ago?
--
The cost to my customers will be more of an annoyance than an abundance (About $75). However, there are lessons to be learned that are more costly when not learned. I haven't been myself lately. I've been sad, depressed and overly not enthused. This time last year I was excited about putting in the garden, taking great pictures and being generally happy. This year, I'm not. One big difference is my lack of tithing payments, scripture study and personal prayer. These are tiny things. It doesn't take more than 10 minutes in the morning to read a few verses and say a prayer. It doesn't take much to write a check on Sundays or to read a chapter of scripture at night. But I still don't. And being not myself is the lesson I am learning. This is a lesson 25 years in the making. There are some things in particular (thorns in my flesh really) that the Lord has been trying to teach me since I was 14. But I listen not. I ignore His advice and His counsel and lean on to my own understanding. And just like the sprinklers, I'm constantly having to come in, repair some damage, and make a new attempt.
One of my good friends has been doing the same. She too has been leaning unto her own understanding and not the Lord's counsel. I often wonder when she will start listening and stop letting her own actions destroy her life.
--
Experiences like today can be of great value or they can be worthless. Only when I learn can they be of value - and they will be a value beyond measure. But if I allow myself to forget about the hassle of this job, well then it will be for nothing and that - that would be really sad.

Institutionalized rabbits

I've never owned rabbits before. In fact, beyond turtles I've never really had pets. The rabbits I own sort of fell into my lap which is the only reason I own them. You see, I was working on a fence in October when a very pregnant rabbit snuck onto the property and had a litter. The owner of the house didn't want to kill them, but he also couldn't keep them because of his wife's allergy. I told him if he'd help pay for a hutch, I'd take them off his hands. I bought a hutch and a book on raising rabbits and now I'm raising rabbits. However, the book on raising rabbits doesn't talk about the psychology of rabbits and it is in this that I think I might have done some harm.

Because the 4 full size rabbits are currently in one hutch (That will change on the 28th), the kids let the rabbits out each day into a caged area for grazing or eating. On Saturday evening the rabbits were out front and I was in the house washing dishes. Suddenly I see in the back yard a white fluff advancing along. It was Momma Rabbit (or Supper as the kids call her). I called to the other kids to let them know we had escapees. We all rushed out front only to discover one escapee. The boys were all near the opening in the fence, looking at it but not running. I don't think they knew what to do.

Supper has known a life outside the cage, but Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner know nothing of that life. They have been caged their whole lives. Without trying to do it, I think I institutionalized them. They are now caged animals and would prefer to live that way.

I'm trying to figure out if I can do this to mom or if I should undo this with the boys. I'm not sure which but I find it very interesting that those three boys didn't run.

what good photography can do

If you have ever wondered if photography ever did any good, I ran across this article in Newsweek this week (PDF). "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" is an organization on photographers that help families with stillborn grieve. These volunteer photographers sacrifice their time and talents to give photos to people who have lost everything else. If you ever think your photo skills aren't worth developing, read this article. Good photography can heal.

What are we doing to our animals

On Thursday I was waiting for my massage appointment and started reading an article in Newsweek about a system in science called "Evolution in Reverse." The basic idea is that scientist are starting to see a creation of a middle class animal emerging. Newsweek actually referred to them as "loser animals." The process is as such: Hunters are hunting for the biggest and strongest animals. The ones with the biggest horns or tallest height or what ever. In essence - hunters are taking out the best of the bunch. Disease usually takes out the worse of a bunch, this leave a middle class of animals to reproduce. They aren't the best and they surely aren't the worse but they are this middle class of individual. What I found interesting about this article was that the role man is playing in natural selection. Darwin's theory that those creatures with dominate traits will survive and those with disease won't. But if you throw into the mix the animal "human" then you get a whole other result.

This leads to another interesting perspective I heard on NPR this weekend. Temple Grandin is Autistic and has a doctorate in Animal Science (after getting a BS in psychology). She was discussing Animal care when it comes to stockyards. One of the things she talked about that we have gotten to a point that our desire for bigger animals or more milk producing animals is creating problems in animals. For example, as ranchers try to create fatter pigs, the result has been increased structure problems in pigs. They have leg and hoof problems. Arthritis is on the rise among pigs. For cows the push has been to have more milk being produced. The result has been a break down of muscles, hearts, and other major organs. The theory is that a cow only has a certain about of milk in them (let's say 300 gallons). In a normal course of life those 300 gallons will come at a rate that the cow's internal organs can handle it. However, ranchers have found a way to force those 300 gallons out faster, but the increased stress on the cows has created a break down in their internal organs as the stress of 300 gallons in 10 years instead of 15 has excelerated the bodies response.

Gradin talked a lot about treatment of animals and how to make slaughter more successful, which was interesting, but it didn't spike my interest quite like the previous. (For a good 15 minutes she talks about the effects of Autism so for all those autism junkies out there - it's a good listen too.)

This topic intrigues me on so many levels. Just like how I think it is important to seriously start looking at vertical farming, I think we need to seriously look at how we treat our animals. I am hopeful that we can correct some of these problems before we have to result of the resturaunt stylings of the Donner Party. (I being a larger chubby kind of guy - I would probably go first.)

Duh Moments

I am such an idiot sometimes. Today was one of those days where all of the synapse must have been firing just right because just at the right moment I figured it out.

I Love Melinda.

Melinda is a Park Ranger Major at BYUI.

Melinda loves camping.

I hate camping.

We used to compromise on marriage. I told her we could get married civilly first and after a year I'd take her to the temple. However, I now think she is going to make that a deal breaker so I'm hoping for a different compromise.

Instead of camping, I will agree to go RVing.

To go RVing the way I'd like to go RVing, I kept thinking that I would need a teardrop trailer. However, most teardrop trailers cost $2K - $3K. That's money that could be used to pay for education. So then I was thinking of getting a cab over for my truck, but there aren't a lot of cab overs made for small trucks.

Then today it occured to me - I already own a trailer. Why not just get a camper shell for the trailer and make a home out of that. It would save me a boat load of money and still have all the things I'd want for the treedrop.

I felt really stupid it took me until today to figure that out.

(Mind you if I keep having dreams like last night, I'm nixing the whole camping thing altogether. I dreamed last night Melinda got eaten by a bear on our honeymoon.)

cleaning from the inside

"Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also." - Alma 60:23

"By the time the body was hung, the mud and stench had become ingrained in my clothes. I felt miserable, but our work had only begun. Together my father and I cleaned the dead animal. We didn’t finish until about three in the morning. The smell, the slime, the dirt, and the filth clung to me. I went back to the house. Although it has been twenty-five years, the events of the next hour are very vivid in my mind. I remember clearly the satisfaction of removing my shirt. Peeling off each layer of clothing brought relief. I began washing—first my hands, then my arms to the elbows. It was not the kind of dirt that would disappear quickly. Then I showered, first washing the ears, then the hair, back to the hands and fingernails, and to the hair again. It was some time before I felt satisfied that the cleansing was done. Slipping into a clean pair of pajamas, I lay awake in bed for a while reliving the experience. It was four in the morning. I was exhausted, but the feelings of tiredness did not approach the sensational satisfaction of being washed and clean." - Elder Neil L. Andersen

"Polish a turd it's still a turd." - Peanut

I received a letter from Tennessee today.

(On a side note - prior to her mission she didn't really care about my lack of temple worthiness issue. However, since receiving her own endowment - she's really looking forward to being married in the temple. And I love her. So it looks like I may need to fix some things in my life real soon here because, seriously, each letter I get from her I get more giddy. I'm pathetic I know.)

Inside was a bunch of good news including a baptism and a week long vacation from the companion she doesn't like. Also in it was something she learned from her personal study. "[Concerning Alma 60:23] It talks about that we must be clean and repentant on the inside, so that when people look on our outward appearance, they can see someone who is Christlike [the whole way through]." She went on to say that by being obedient to God not just on the outside but in our hearts, allows the spirit to clean us from within.

I don't remember who said it, but there is that old saying that the world would take you out of the slums but God takes the slums out of you. Someone else said that you would change a bad habit faster by studying the Book of Mormon than studying about the habit.

I think this is true.

I'm constantly trying to change my environment. I try to exercise, or not watch certain TV or to not drink certain delicious carbonated and caffeinated drinks. But I always come back to the habits that hold me bound. There is a scripture in the bible that talks about man returning to sin just like a dog returns to vomit, because it is warm and familiar. I've seen drug addicts and alcoholics return to those substances after prison and DUIs and the sort - not because they don't want to change, but because they get scared and need something warm and familiar to make themselves feel better - even if temporarily. For the most part, you ask them if they converted to sobriety or if they just took it out of their lives for a time and usually they hadn't converted to sobriety.

I know I haven't. I have tried just removing myself from the situations that contribute to sin, but I'm not sure I've converted away from sin. I'm not sure I've ever had that "change in [me], or in [my] heart, that [I] have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually." (Mosiah 5:2) I think I'm more of the type of guy to keep a summer home in Babylon.

However, I know it is possible. I know that with the right level of dedication and patience and reliance on One more powerful than me whose yolk is easy and whose burden is light, I can too be converted. And as I am converted from the inside out I will be cleaned. It won't be like the clean I get from slicing up a cow and then taking a shower - it will the clean that allows me to glow from the inside out.

And I'm beginning to see the importance of be cleansed from the inside out. Because no matter how hard I try to eliminate temptation and stress from my life, it will always pop up. And when it does, unless I'm converted and cleansed from the inside, I'll return to my vomit still the same.

Sending in others - for their experience

There is a story told of a man who was commanded by God to go push up against a mountain. So the man did just that. Each day he would wake up and go push on the mountain. After a few weeks, Lucifer came to cause stress. He taunted the man by saying "You have failed. You haven't moved the mountain one bit. God must be disappointed in you. Couldn't you have been a better servant." And on and on Satan said. Eventually the man started listening. He stopped pushing against the mountain and he prayed to God saying he was sorry for failing. God replied by saying "Who said anything about moving it.I am God. If I wanted it moved, I can do that myself. I told you to push against it. In a few days your father-in-law will get sick and he will need someone to take over the farm. A few weeks ago you wouldn't have the strength to tend the farm, but look at you now: You are strong and able."

While in Liberty Jail, Joseph Smith prayed and asked the Lord about the hardships he was enduring. The Lord responds in section 122 of the Doctrine and Covenants "...know thou, my son, that all of these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good."

I have been pondering experience lately. Keeping with my new rule that I can't buy any more books until I have read what is on my shelf (which sucks because I really want this book), I have been reading a book recently about four kids and a lion. Three of the kids aligned their will with that of the talking lion. The fourth kid temporarily aligned his will with a white witch that has evil powers. However, when the fourth kid decided he wanted to go back to the lion's side, he was taken prisoner by the witch and she's going to crucify the boy. The lion knows this, but he doesn't go himself, even though "one of those paws could have been the death of [the witch]" or "one bite from his jaws would have cost two or three of [the witch's cronies] their hands." Instead he calls upon a few of the other less powerful allies to go and rescue the boy.

In "Preach my Gospel" we read a quote by Harold B Lee "Missionary work is but home teaching to those who are not members of the church, and home teaching is nothing more or less than missionary work to church members." For anyone who knows anything about Mormon Missionaries - they are far from perfect people. It would be much easier for Jesus Christ to come down and show Himself than it is to get imperfect people to teach about Him. So what good is it? The good comes from experience.

After a super long introduction, my point on this post is: I wonder what times in my life have been for my experience? How many times have I been called as a home teacher because I needed the experience, and not that the family needed a home teacher. How many times have I been placed in a refiner's fire by the Master Teacher for no other purpose but to give me experience. I wonder how many times the Lord could have come down and done the job Himself, but instead He sent me so that I could gain experience. Cindy's Mom made a similar statement in her post from a little while ago. Sometimes - we need these experiences. Both the good and the bad. We, as imperfects need these bad experiences to help shape us for the better.

Today I received another letter from my Melinda. (She didn't send me any leaves, but I bet she still loves me). She talks about how much she can't stand her current companion. In her first area she got along better with her companion but they were in a bit of a drought when it came to finding people wanting to hear their message of peace. Now she is in an area with much success and work, but is with this sister she can't stand. In recent weeks we have been discussing how much we wonder what these experiences will be for in the future? I have little doubt that, like me, she is experiencing a refiner's fire for her good. I hope she is better than me at standing the flame.

the need for dragons

A recent post from Cindy got me thinking about dragons and our need for dragons. I know that in the scriptures we read that there is a need for opposition in all things. We must have sorrow with happiness. We must have angry people and peacemakers. We must have Christ and Lucifer. But I'm intrigued by the concept of a dragon. In so much fairy tale literature, we see a dragon that rears up it's ugly head and is the cause of much destruction in the land before eventually a knight in shiny steel is able to ride up and slaughter the beast.

As I've pondered this, I've had two thoughts that have reoccurred. The first is the that we have dragons to remind us that little guys can beat out bigger than life problems. Dragons are our mythical version of Goliath. We are David. Dragons have a way of coming into a peaceful situation and causing chaos. Many people allow the dragon to affect them and to beat them. A lot of people don't have the courage or gumption to stand up to the dragon and beat it. Instead they flee or are destroyed. They allow the dragon this privileged. And then comes a savior. He rides in and does what no one else could do and slaughters the fire breathing beast. He is the calm that brings with himself calm. Where there isn't peace, He leaves His peace. And this reminds us to have courage to do even as he has done. We are encouraged to take on the dragons in our lives after watching someone else be victorious.

The other thought I had about why we need dragons was a way to be humbled. Dragons often come to the villages that are prospering. They come and they burn and they eat and they trample on the crops of those wealthy farmers and the farmers are left with nothing. When people are left with nothing (and are nothing like me) they often turn to God. We read in the Book of Mormon that the Lamanites were a tool to humble the people of Nephi. When the Nephites got too prosperous or too stuck on themselves, the Lamanites would suddenly show up on the out skirts of the kingdom and start destroying people's crops and lives. People would then flee to their judges and their prophets and beg for help. Those judges and prophets would then tell the people to repent and the prophet would call upon God to know what should be done next. Inspiration was given and the Lamanites were destroyed. A prophet rode up on his horse and defeated the dragon. And by listening to that knight, the residents were saved. But they first had to be humbled to be reminded that they needed a prophet. There was a saying in my old high school - we all hated the police until we actually needed one. Prophets, sometimes, feel the same way I bet. No one really listens to them until a dragon rears it's ugly head and then, at that moment, all eyes and ears are there ready to listen and obey.

I never thought I would be thankful for a dragon, but i'm grateful to the dragons that both humble me and remind me that even though the dragons in my life seem fierce, I can beat them - with the help of my Saviour.

(Dragons in the scriptures)