My father was nice enough to store a bunch of stuff for me while I was in college. I'm hoping for a job offer in Colorado soon, so I'm trying to consolidate and shrink down my stuff, in preparation for the move. I've got some stuff in storage in Antioch, some stuff at John's and some stuff in my dad's place. The Garage was the last place I have stuff to find. However, as I started to sort this stuff, I found my stuff intermingled with so much other people's stuff. I decided to wait for my father.
I'm in Fremont visiting old friends. I used to teach Will in Sunday School 4 years ago. He was a lot shorter then.
(BTW, the BFC on his shirt stands for "Boyfriend Club." It's a club for girls who go to one particular high school in Fremont and have BFs that go to another specific, different high school in Fremont. It's very exclusive.)
My father and I stopped in Ogden at the Hill Air Force flight museum on the way back to Rexburg. My father met my mother while he worked for Hill Air Force, so it was a double emotional experience - seeing both the planes he worked on and telling me stories about my mother.
Today was my last day with Adaptive Services and Wheelchair Basketball. In theory, Rec Sports has agreed to take on WCB in fall semester, so I'm thinking that this is probably the last WCB game BYU-Idaho will see.
I've gotten some questions on what anniversary I celebrated last Saturday.
I want to start out with some background. I have hard time keeping to stuff and completing stuff. It took me about five years to complete my Associate Degree. It took me three years to get my BS and I'm not even done. I have SOOOO much more schooling to go. I got my eagle scout degree 3 hours before I turned 18 and only because I had a massive about of help and pressure for the last 6 weeks of my 17th year.
Even though I worked Pageant for 10 years, I must have quit at least once every year I participated in it.
Simply put, I often quit stuff and I don't accomplish stuff. This year has turned out to be one year that I've managed to accomplish a lot (internship, BS, photo a day, keeping to commitments to friends and family), but that is not usual for me.
Okay, that said, Ten years ago I made a choice that has been hard to keep but I've managed to keep for ten years.
On July 7, 1997, I made a promise to God that the next time I had sex, I would be married. Say what you want about my religious beliefs and how sex outside of marriage is or is not wrong. Putting all that aside, I made a commitment and kept to it. No matter how frustrated, depressed, angry or stressed I have been in the past, and knowing how good sex feels in relieving stress, depression, anger or frustrations - I didn't once go back on my promise to God. I didn't go back even though I thought long ago I'd be married (when I made the promise I thought it would only be 2-4 years before I was married).
July 7, 2007 was my ten year mark. I have successfully kept to at least one promise, one commitment.
To celebrate I went back to a place that holds sentimental value to me (my father and I went there for the first time 4 years ago. It was the beginning of a stronger relationship with my father). I went to Yellowstone to celebrate.
Today was book by back. I made enough to pay for my cell phone bill and a third of my credit card bill. Oh, and I ran across nearly every girl that I've talked to, dated, or made out within the last year. And I passed them each about 8 times as the line weaved all around. Oh the memories.
Two weeks after my mother died, my father & I loaded up a U-haul trailer and headed to Boise. My mother had willed stuff to people in Boise, Wisconsin and Arizona and my father and I were going on an amazing 15 day tour of the US to scatter my mother's stuff. Just two hours from my home, my father and I were in Sacramento when we were cut off by a truck. My father swerved and over corrected and we ended up jack knifing the truck and trailer. We came to a stop on the side of the road, facing the wrong direction with a huge dent in the passenger side of the truck bed. With the help of the Highway Patrol, we were able to get the truck turned around and were able to park it in a parking lot near a park in Sacramento. As our nerves settled, my father made a comment I will always remember,"Sean, these are the times I will miss your mother. She is no longer there to call and say 'We had a small accident, but everything is okay, now.' She always had a way of knowing when things like this happened."
Today was my last day in Drug Court. There were three graduations today (additionally I saw three clients go to jail for relapsing). Two of the graduations from drug court were in the morning in Felony court. The third was in Misdemeanor court this afternoon. The final one really got to me. As the judge called "Stacy" up, she began to weep - knowing this was the biggest accomplishment in her life. She talked about what the program had done for her life and how she had been and what she was now. To give her her plague, the judge called up "Stacy's" daughter and mother. All members of that three-generation-group-photo had tears in their eyes. The daughter (probably 16 or 17) cried the most at what her mother had become. I'd admit, my eyes even watered up. It was a beautiful site. "Stacy's" whole family and sponsor and friends were there cheering her on. I heard her utter the same words I had heard so many years early, as she whispered to her daughter "I had a early tragedy, but everything is okay now."
I wish I had someone I could share this experience with. I wish I could come home tonight and go "Love of mine, I saw this incredible miracle today..."
Three years ago last this April, I moved from my home state and moved to Rexburg Idaho. I really only did this for one reason. I was in love with this beautiful girl who made me feel safe. She wanted to marry me and I wanted to stay with her forever. To do so, she strongly suggested that I would need a bachelors degree to pay for the children we were going to make with our love. I chose a school that she would feel comfortable attending or at least visiting. Then I spent six months here and everything went crazy. I flipped out and dropped out of school and moved to Oregon. I spent six months in Oregon before returning to BYU-Idaho where I spent another two years. I had 18 majors in the total three years. One week from today, I will graduate with a BS in Underwater Basket Weaving. It's not a perfect ending, but at least I'm "okay." Lately I have been listening to Damien Rice's "Cannonball" and "Blower's Daughter." Additionally, there has been a lot of playing on the radio of Plain White T's debut song "Hey There Delilah" There are two lines that seem to hit pretty hard: "It's what you do to me." and "I can't take my eye's off of you."
** On July 18, I will graduate and I so want to say to my mother and to KNJ: "I had a little trouble, but everything is okay now." But I can't, and for this reason, today's drug court graduation created mixed emotions. My mother wanted me to get a BS as did KNJ, it was because of them that next Wednesday will happen. And I can't tell them I'm okay.
After nearly 3 months of being in court every Wednesday, today was my last court day. Two clients graduated from drug court. Two clients violated their parole and went to jail. The top picture is of my happy court room. The other is the glass looking out over main street from just inside the court house.
Once a quarter, Drug Court goes out for their staffing meetings. So today we went to Old Fong's and I got this picture while we were staffing.
While I was at Fong's, my massage therapist was returning my flour bowl (she borrowed flour for some cinnamon roles). When I got home the bowl was on my bed full of goodies (most of which I have eaten).
I went to Yellowstone today with a friend to celebrate my anniversary. Early on in our adventure we came across three buffalo in the road. The first pic is from me hanging out my window as the buffalo passed the very frightened motorcyclist. The second shot is from within my truck as the same buffalo passed us. I'm not sure why I rolled up my window to take the shot - it's not as if the buffalo couldn't have just broken the glass.
Pride When my mother was getting ready to die, she pulled me aside and told me she had some things she wanted. The first thing she wanted was for me to move back in with my father after she died. She knew I was seriously dating Krista and that Krista & I would soon be married, but she wanted my father and I to live together until then. She also asked me to speak at her memorial - to give the eulogy and to not talk longer than 15 minutes. I spoke for 30.
The last thing she asked me to do was to accept sums of money from my father while I was in school. At the time of her death, I had been accepted to Humboldt State in CA. (BYU-Idaho didn't happen until after she had pasted way.) This has been an assignment I have always struggled with. Except for a few minor things, I have always been self sufficient. I started working when I was 14 because I didn't want my parents to have to worry about buying me stuff.
I think one of the things that has been the hardest to get over is the pride. I don't like having to admit that I need money from my father and to go ask for it. Unfortunately, I've had to do that a lot this year. Except for trips to WI, truck insurance, and the medical bills from breaking my wrist, I haven't had to go much to my father for money, which I'm happy to say. Up until this year I have kept the cost of my education and living expenses down. However, this semester I got a smaller amount of student loans (because I went 4 semester's straight) and I didn't have a semester off to make extra money. Therefore - this semester has been a humbling experience - having to ask my father for help.
** Dreams Dreams are a weird thing - I don't really have any. I was reading last night about Zooey Deschanel and how she knew at a young age that she wanted to be an actress. I have roommates that have known for a long time (since birth for Dal) what they wanted to be when they grew up. I honestly have no clue what my dreams are in life. I know what I'm comfortable doing, but I'm not sure beyond that. Because I don't know what I want to do, I'm graduating in 12 days with a degree in University Studies (or Underwater Basket Weaving as it has been called, by some). I know things I'd like to have, but I don't know exactly what I want.
I want a wife (or more appropriately - I want to be loved by a woman who isn't going to break up with me or die) I want a job I want to be out of debt I want to be happy
One want that I recently discovered I have achieved was the dream of being happy by myself. For a long time, I couldn't do anything unless it was with someone. But now I have enough hobbies that I can be happy by myself. I randomly go on photo shoots (most recently to Mesa Falls). I can sit in my room or outside or wherever and carve wood (most recently my fish that looks like a dolphin that mated with a whale.) I can read (though, a strange thing has occurred there - I used to hate fiction and only read nonfiction. I'm reading more and more fiction and less and less nonfiction. I'm not sure why.)
But beyond that dream - I'm not sure I have a dream. Not a dream job, not a dream lifestyle, not a dream life. I wonder how you go about fixing that.
** Location. I have been looking for work for about 4 months now. I think the hardest part of looking for work is looking. After July 18th, I can go anywhere. I don't have a wife or a girlfriend. I'm tied down by debt, but I owe the federal government most of that and they will allow me to pay it off a little at a time.
So after July 18th, I could literally go anywhere and that is hard - because I'm looking everywhere. And there is so much to consider: Family in Wisconsin. Family in California. Friends in California. Friends in Provo. A strong desire not to live in Northern Illinois (My ex-fiance is serving a mission there). I need a place with an airport so my brother and father can see me and I (on the off chance I'm willing to fly over drive) can fly out. Someplace not to hot and not too cold (so Northern Montana is out, New Mexico is out, and Arizona is out). But beyond that - the sky is the limit. That is a huge haystack to find a needle in. I wish I could just settle my mind on a place and move there. Then finding a job would be much easier - because I'd be stuck with a 1-year contract and I would have to get a job there. I wish I knew where that place was.