This was because of her

Two weeks after my mother died, my father & I loaded up a U-haul trailer and headed to Boise. My mother had willed stuff to people in Boise, Wisconsin and Arizona and my father and I were going on an amazing 15 day tour of the US to scatter my mother's stuff. Just two hours from my home, my father and I were in Sacramento when we were cut off by a truck. My father swerved and over corrected and we ended up jack knifing the truck and trailer. We came to a stop on the side of the road, facing the wrong direction with a huge dent in the passenger side of the truck bed. With the help of the Highway Patrol, we were able to get the truck turned around and were able to park it in a parking lot near a park in Sacramento. As our nerves settled, my father made a comment I will always remember,"Sean, these are the times I will miss your mother. She is no longer there to call and say 'We had a small accident, but everything is okay, now.' She always had a way of knowing when things like this happened."

Today was my last day in Drug Court. There were three graduations today (additionally I saw three clients go to jail for relapsing). Two of the graduations from drug court were in the morning in Felony court. The third was in Misdemeanor court this afternoon. The final one really got to me. As the judge called "Stacy" up, she began to weep - knowing this was the biggest accomplishment in her life. She talked about what the program had done for her life and how she had been and what she was now. To give her her plague, the judge called up "Stacy's" daughter and mother. All members of that three-generation-group-photo had tears in their eyes. The daughter (probably 16 or 17) cried the most at what her mother had become.
I'd admit, my eyes even watered up. It was a beautiful site. "Stacy's" whole family and sponsor and friends were there cheering her on. I heard her utter the same words I had heard so many years early, as she whispered to her daughter "I had a early tragedy, but everything is okay now."

I wish I had someone I could share this experience with. I wish I could come home tonight and go "Love of mine, I saw this incredible miracle today..."

Three years ago last this April, I moved from my home state and moved to Rexburg Idaho. I really only did this for one reason. I was in love with this beautiful girl who made me feel safe. She wanted to marry me and I wanted to stay with her forever. To do so, she strongly suggested that I would need a bachelors degree to pay for the children we were going to make with our love. I chose a school that she would feel comfortable attending or at least visiting. Then I spent six months here and everything went crazy. I flipped out and dropped out of school and moved to Oregon. I spent six months in Oregon before returning to BYU-Idaho where I spent another two years. I had 18 majors in the total three years. One week from today, I will graduate with a BS in Underwater Basket Weaving. It's not a perfect ending, but at least I'm "okay."
Lately I have been listening to Damien Rice's "Cannonball" and "Blower's Daughter." Additionally, there has been a lot of playing on the radio of Plain White T's debut song "Hey There Delilah" There are two lines that seem to hit pretty hard: "It's what you do to me." and "I can't take my eye's off of you."

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On July 18, I will graduate and I so want to say to my mother and to KNJ: "I had a little trouble, but everything is okay now." But I can't, and for this reason, today's drug court graduation created mixed emotions. My mother wanted me to get a BS as did KNJ, it was because of them that next Wednesday will happen. And I can't tell them I'm okay.