Could I tweet a life of a super hero?

As I drive into work I listen to a radio program that has a section they call "Celebrity Trash." Without fail, at least once every three days there is a story about Lindsay Lohan or John Mayer and something they wrote on Twitter. For the last few days I've been thinking about getting a twitter acount for the soul purpose of tweeting my super hero activities. I would first have to create a super hero, and then, in 140 characters or less, create activities and a persona that would be the super hero. I have many sources to model a character out of. I could use the teachings of Batman, Captain Hammer, and my own Dad. I could look to the influences of Cindy to have the tenderness of a super hero while look to the FDNY for the rugged running-into-a-burning-building hero quality. I of course would need to create a PR campaign complete with a Super Hero Brand. But really I'm just curious if I could do it. Could I become someone else on Twitter and could that someone else be a Super Hero? What should his name be? Who should he be a super hero to? Should he be a she? Are there other super heroes out there to work withor does he work alone? So many questions - So many tweets! Once I figure out a name, I'll let you know more about him or her.

bumper stuck

I'm not one for putting stickers on my truck. That said, for the last several weeks, I've been thinking about two bumper stickers I would like to put on my truck. I don't know how to design bumper stickers or even where to get one made off of my design, but these are two bumper stickers that wouldn't bother me to have on my truck.
The first one is my sense of belonging. Beyond being on Team Jacob (Edward needs a stake through his chest), I'm not really a Team Guy. I love teams. I was on the winning amateur Volleyball team at BYUI in the Winter of 2007. But that was the only team I've been on in the last several years that wasn't wrapped around helping with people disabilities. Recently I've been riding my bike. People have asked me why I ride and the only reason I have is because I want to be fit enough to help people with disabilities. Whether that is being healthy enough to referee Power Soccer Games or healthy enough to ride in Charity Rides. I used to ride so that I could keep up with the adaptive cyclist or be in good health to ref the Wheelchair Basketball Games. So I would like a bumper sticker saying that I ride for Team Blue (Placard).
This second bumper sticker might seem a little odd. About 5 months after I graduated from high school, I was hanging out with my best friend Mike. He was dating a girl who was pregnant at the time. (He started dating her when she was already three months pregnant). I had gone on a date with a girl a few months earlier. She spread the rumor that we had sex (we didn't. I'm a wimp and didn't want her ex knocking out my teeth) then a few months later spread the rumor that she was pregos with my kid (she wasn't. She wasn't even pregnant). Anyway, one night we were driving around talking about this girl and his girlfriend when we saw this woman's car. On the back it had three bumper stickers "My grandkids are cuter than yours" "My grandkids are smarter than yours" and "My grandkids can beat up your grandkids." Mike pointed it out to me and I was just so annoyed at the pride of this woman. I screamed out at her "My teen daughter is more pregnant than yours!" Mike thought it was hilarious. So I put it a licence plate frame and put it on my truck. For years it was there until it got hit by something heavy loaded into the truck and some of the pieces fell off. I would like to put it back on my truck, just as a reminder of days gone by.

Unwarned Boob

I have man boobs that would rival any 15 year old girl. The joy of being slightly over weight, I do have access to having man boobs. But I'm respectful to people and keep my man boobs hidden under a shirt most of the time. Even when I go swimming I often keep my shirt on. I tell people it's because I don't want to get a sunburn, but the real reason is that I don't want to go on flashing my man boobs to the world.

I also have much experience with chicken boob. I have felt up several pounds of chicken boob in a day.

Boob does not scare me or bother me. I have helped raise money even for boob cancer research and I have worn my pink ribbon for boob cancer awareness month.

I'm a big fan of using boob as God intended. I think boobs are great for feeding young children.

That said, I must ask that you warn me when you are going to flop out your boobs to feed such young children. Today at work I was working with a ten year-old client. We were looking at his feet when his mom said something to him. We both looked up and there she was with her shirt pulled up and a kid sucking on one of the boobs. And this boob was not young, first kid sucked boob. This woman has a high school sophomore daughter. The boob was old boob and it was icky. I tried to refocus on the work at hand but I just couldn't get out of my mind the image of this icky yucky boob.

So please all of you with boobs - female, male, chicken or otherwise - Please do me a favor. Give me a little warning before you go and pull out your boobs. Like I said, I don't mind boob; I just need a little warning.

Don't do drugs - You may get eaten

Right after 9/11 the government thought it would use the fear from terrorists to slow the use of drugs in America. They stated in commercial after commercial that by buying and selling drugs you were only helping to fund attacks on innocent Americans. It was an unbelievable marketing campaign that was just as successful as other battles in the War on Drugs. We have not been hit on US soil for over 5 years yet I still have friends using drugs.

So it is time for a change in strategy. Forget about the terrorists. Instead let's try terrified tigers.

In a recent report by the city of San Fransisco's Police Department, the three young men involved in the tiger mauling on Christmas Day had "smoked Marijuana at home in San Jose before going to the zoo. On the way to the zoo, the victims consumed alcohol." I can only see this naturally leading to a nationwide anti drug campaign.

A man in a tiger out fit comes onto the Screen and says, "If you smoke marijuana I will eat you."

A man with a scar across his neck will then come on the screen. "I only took two tokes and the tiger ate me."

Then there would be a video of a funeral procession, with the words voiced over. "Some people that smoke marijuana, and go to the zoo, DIE."

As a closing shot there would be a casket ready to be lowered into the ground and the visual of a tiger running and jumping on top and the voice over saying "So don't do marijuana or a tiger will eat you."

Watch for this ad in the coming months. I'm sure it will work better than other anti drug campaigns.


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(For Dun: Egg, chick)

It's time for Iowa to be known for something else

I know you have already read my rant on what a waste of money is spent on this thing we call an election. (After watching Charlie Wilson's War, you get a sense of how much money plays a part in stupidity and our government) I'm sorry but I'm going to rant again.

The first part of this rant is about Iowa. I'm sorry they weren't smart enough to invent ground hog day or some other frivolous holiday and that their whole existence comes down to something that happens every four years - but for crying out loud - do we really need to have a caucus? On CNN, FOX, and MSNBC's websites are articles explaining what a caucus is. Why is this? Isn't the whole point of living in a democratic society is to have a voting procedure that every person can understand without the use of a CNN flowchart? Why should we have something so complicated that more people are asking what a caucus is than those that are asking "when the hell will the boys in Iraq becoming home?" Should a free society be free of complicated voting practices.

This leads to me second part of the rant. Why do we have so many primaries before we make it to the actual vote. A football season only requires 16 weeks to declare a world champion. Why do we need to have caucuses and primaries that start in January for a Super Bowl game that isn't played until November? I think it is time that we have an overhaul of democracy. I'd like to suggest these rules:

A candidate and his/her party can only spend $100 million dollars total.
Primaries are held for all 50 states on one day (let's say March 15). What ever democratic candidate wins that day goes on to fight for the vote in November. The same goes for the republican party.
The November election is a popular vote and not an electoral vote. (Once again, democracy is insulted every time to have to have a flow chart to explain how democracy works. Democracy should be simple - whomever has the most votes wins. Done.)

I can't help but think this would help the process along a whole lot better. Let's go back to making democracy easy to vote on.

(If for no other reason - I'm asking this so that my night of watching TV is only interrupted twice. Once on March 15 and once on the second Tuesday in November. This will beat it being interrupted 80 times.)

that white fluffy stuff

Many people have heard me complain about my dear desire to be in a snow environment. I miss the crisp air and the sledding and the way a fresh snow quiets the birds and cleans out the air. I love how gently it falls and how it coats everything in a wintry wonderland. I love how you can get creative in snow just like a 4 year-old and his side kick tiger. However, I wasn't exactly sure what it was about snow that I truly miss the most, until tonight.

I ate too much sugar last night and then stayed up watching Little Miss Sunshine into the wee hours, so I ended up sleeping most of the day and not doing a whole lot of anything. On days like today - I tend to drink a lot of water and watch TV on my computer. As that water processes - I become over hydrated.

Tonight as I was emptying my bladder it occurred to me what I miss most about the snow. No matter how hard I tried tonight to write my name in the bowl with my stream - there just wasn't any lasting effects. But when you are in the snow (as long as you were taught cursive in school) you can spell a lot of different things. You can draw a heart and write cursive initials. You can bad mouth the president of the United States. You can even stream out your list of favorite beverages. All of this can be done with a full bladder and a fresh powder of snow. And I have decided that that is what I miss most about the snow. I miss being able to express myself in white and yellow.

What a Sado!

So I have been trying to ward off the negative Christmas Spirit I have. I'm just not really into the holidays as much as I used to be.
To try to ward off that negative feeling, I've been listening to Christmas Music. Today I was listening to the 12 days of Christmas when it suddenly occurred to me that this "True Love" was quite a jerk. Where the heck was she supposed to store all of this crap? Let's assume that the lady singing lives in a suburb. A pear tree might be able to be planted in the front yard (if the city gives the permit, that is). So I can see that. And I can see the 2 turtle doves sitting in the tree with the partridge.
Then comes the increase of poultry, and, honestly, what are you going to do with all of those live birds (Calling birds, French Hens, geese, & Swans)? Furthermore, does the poor woman have to dig a hole, build a pool and let the swans go swimming or are they all supposed to fit in the tub? What is to be done with all of the eggs the geese are laying?

Fouls aren't the worst of it, though. 12 drummers (each one trying to out drum the other, and one of which is the different drummer some one is dancing to the beat of), 11 Lords (who are nothing but legs. Tall skinny long legged leapers), 9 Pipers (Let's hope they are the piccolo type and not the bag pipe type), 10 ladies dancing, and, lastly, 8 maids who are milking (and unless they are milking each other, they probably each brought an orgasmic cow...). If you add it up - this poor woman has to find housing for 50 people. And they probably didn't carpool so that's 50 cars lining up the street ticking off the neighbors.

I bet what really happened was the True Love forgot an anniversary. This women said he could make it up with 5 gold rings, but instead this jerk thought that unloading all of this other crap on her would make her happy. What a jerk!

Patrol Sean

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Disclaimer One
I am an Eagle Scout. I finished up the requirements to be an Eagle 3 hours before the office closed before I turned 18. I was a boy scout for the better of 6 years and was a weblo scout and a cub scout before that. Scouting is something I naturally enjoy. I give this as a disclaimer to the rest of my post.
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In scouting the boys are divided up into the simplest of organizations. A Scout is a individual scout first, who will always be prepared and do a good turn daily. Following this, a scout is a member of a patrol. Several patrols make up a troop. Several troops make up a counsel. For example: as a kid I was Sean, Bears, Troop 131, Mission Peak Counsel.

Patrols are an intragal part of scouting. Each patrol is where a boy becomes close friends with his other scouters and a bond is formed. For example, one time I was part of a patrol with my brother and four other young men. We were called "The Purple Euphoriacs." (A name my brother suggested.) I'm still on fairly good terms with each of these men.

In a patrol, there are certain things you must have. You must have a name, a cheer, a song, and a flag. It's helpful to have a badge as well, but not necessary. We were the Purple Euphoriacs. Our Cheer was repeating our name three times getting louder each time. Our song was similar to our cheer in that we repeated our name three times, but it was set to music and we then laughed at the end as if in a drug induced euphoria. Our flag had a big smiling face on it where the smile kept going around and around in a circle that resembled the rings on a 100 year old tree. We did not have a badge.

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Disclaimer Two
All of the before mentioned was setting up for this: I tend to run my relationships like I would run a patrol and am very unsettled when a relationship is missing either the name, cheer, song, or flag. Each part is critically important in my mind.
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The Name
When a relationship is first getting started, I am often introduced as "My boyfriend." This is a pleasing title, but it usually goes to people seeing us together and saying "There goes Catherine and her boyfriend." There really is no unity in that, mainly because it is applicable to any situation Catherine is in where she is with a boy. I love it when friends on both sides of the fence have decided to get to know the prospective mate enough that it is "There goes Nina & Sean" or "There goes Sean and Nina." Either way, the relationship has a name. It's the Nina and Sean Relationship.

The Song
Choosing a song in a relationship is important and has a lot of factors to consider. First of all it is important to find a song that speaks to your relationship. For example, Nina lives far away from me so we could have "Plain White T's" as our song. Nina has brown eyes occasionally (according to her), so we could have "brown eyed girl". However neither seems to fit, so we are still trying to find a song.
Secondly the song must be a song you are willing to bring you up or destroy you for the rest of your life. While in high school I dated a girl and our song for 2 years was "I'll Stand By You". After we broke up, I had to rid my life of that song. I eventually turned to Rap and country as those were the only two stations that didn't play the song. I slowly (very slowly) came around to that being a good song that I could listen to without thinking horrible thoughts about my wench of an ex-girlfriend.
Lastly, it kind of has to be a slow song. In theory (except at my wedding), this song will be the first song you dance to at your wedding. One of Krista and I's songs (we dated for over two years and had a plethora of songs that were "our" song) was Mama Mia (the version from the play/musical). I doubt we could have danced slowly to that song.

Cheer
The cheer in a relationship is important but it isn't the same type of cheer you have in scouting. A cheer born out of a patrol usually has some sort of inside meaning. I was once part of a patrol called the Marley Nachos. Our patrol had a cheer that really only meant something to those of us that were Mormon living in Fremont CA. No one else really understood our cheer which was fine by us.
On a similar vain, for me a relationship needs to have and inside joke. Krista and I had rats, watermelon, and origami shell fish. Catherine and I had my truck. The second Jessica I dated (whom my friends used to call "suck face") and I had X-Men. They are all little things that only I and my girlfriend understand. The world out there could say something and we would look at each other and smile. We smiled at the inside stories that went along with what was happening.

The Flag
The flag was a symbol of your patrol. When people see your flag they know who you are. A flag also allows people to know you are there. When first arriving to summer camp (or as my mom called it - vacation), the first thing a patrol would do was place its flag out in front of its campsite. This signaled the other patrols and troops that the Purple Euphoriacs were at camp.

A flag in a relationship is a symbol of sorts to others that an exchange is going on between loved ones. Catherine used to poster gold stars all over my house when I wasn't home. Krista used to put up multi colored hearts on my garage and all over my house. Lanae used to gives bags of Hersey kisses to one of my teachers and I would get it two periods later. These were our flags.

All of this preceding was to answer a few of your questions. The answers are as follows:

Name: The Nina and Sean Relationship
Song: Pending
Cheer: Eyebrows, funner and anyways
Flag: A thimble (as can be seen in PAD shots here and here)

This week in History

This week has been filled with tragedy. Not just in 2007, but for several years. It amazing how two single events have led to a whole bunch of events.

Adolf Hitler was Born April 20, 1939. Several years later he managed to orchestrate the killing of 6 million Jewish people.

This event led to 12 students, 1 teacher and 2 terrorists being killed on April 20, 1999 in Columbine, Colorado as the terrorists celebrated Hitler's birthday.

This tragic event led to a psychotic killer killing between 31-33 people (I love how CNN & Fox differ on numbers) in Virgina.

That alone would be a very bloody week in April. But this week is also sees the anniversary of two other horrific events. Sadly they were on the same day. On April 19 1993 86 people in Waco, Texas were killed during an exchange with federal agents. Their leader, David Koresh, had a warrant out for his arrest at the beginning of the experience, 51 days prior to the April 19th blood bath.

2 years later, on April 19th 1995, Timothy McVeigh used the Waco Texas events as an excuse to kill 168 people in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. He then waited 4 days and celebrated his 27th birthday on April 23.

This really is a bad week in history.

Thoughts from Sean

These are just random thoughts I have had floating around in my head....

If it's okay to trash talk about a rival sports team; And if we teach our elementary school children that sticks and stones will break their bones but words will never hurt them; And if we tell children to just ignore people when they say bad words, because that person is just trying to make them feel better. And if we are a people that cherish our rights to have freedom of speech. And if it is okay for rappers and R&B singers to degrade women verbally....why did Don Imus get fired? Are we telling our children not to express their opinions or open their mouths? Are we teaching our children that a redneck cowboy can really offend a college Women's basketball team? Is either A) a Women's Basketball team that weak that words destroy them or B) we are just looking for reasons to be offended?

Why do we fly the flag at half staff for a few killings in Virgina but we don't fly the flags at half staff everyday to help remind Americans that almost every day a US Soldier is killed in Iraq defending our freedoms? What makes 32 killings in one day more important than over 3,000 killings over the course of 4 years?

Why s the president of the United States allowed to take vacations on the same week he approves extending the troops in Iraq by 3 months?

My Sister is currently listening to John Lee Hooker. I wonder if he knows John and I were at JLH's last musical engagement. Santana was there. Van Morrison's daughter was there. Bonnie Raitt Sang as well. It was a rocking good time. I was never quite sure if John Lee hooker enjoyed it though. If I remember correctly it was on June 25, 2001, but it has been a while since then.

Why is it that my mind often returns to KNJ? Why is it the KNJ of 2004 and not the KNJ of 2006?