Un Stucking the Butt

Before discussing today’s memory, I feel I need to create some background. The LDS church has created Pageants (or musical plays) for the purpose of telling their story to the masses. There are pageants in New York, Utah and various other locations. Nearly 50 years ago, The Oakland Temple Pageant, “And it Came to Pass,” was created. The performances were presented in the Inter Stake Center in Oakland and were performed in the month of July. There was a 500-person balcony chorus, a 100-person ensemble/main actors, 30 dancers, and the most amazing Technical Staff, with a crew of 20-50, the volunteer theatre world has ever known. Or the universe.



For the first 35 years, the play was locally owned and operated. It was written by two local Bay Area playwrights. All money used for the pageant came from local budgets, and from the donated gifts, talents, and resources of local LDS members. It was a trial for some stakes and some people’s time, but they were rewarded greatly because of their sacrifices.



The play ran on a 3-year rotation. This meant that for two summers, pageant participants could go out and learn their craft in other theatres and return ready to share their new developed talents as they bore testimony of the LDS church in song, acting, dancing and by far the most amazing technical skills in the galaxy.



In 1998, the church head quarters in Salt Lake City and the Missionary Department decided that the pageant needed to be every year and that it needed to be better funded. Part of that new funding was to replace the existing wooden stage that for the most part – was the original stage from 40 years previously.



A set designer, who was a professor at BYU Provo, designed the new set. Local tech directors were not permitted to contribute to the design process. In 2003, a new medal set was delivered. Despite being big, loud, and heavy – the new set came with a lot of new moving parts.



Different theatres use different techniques for scene changes. Some theatres will do a complete black out. Some will have awesome people in black outfits move scenery in and out. Sometimes the performers are responsible for moving scenery around. An ideal way is to have continuous dialogue that takes place on different parts of the stage, which lights up the part of stage where the person is yet darkens the stage where the people in black are setting up for another scene. One way we used to redirect audience attention was to have activity on the downstage area (closest to the audience). Upstage we would “fly” in a black drape, to cover the activities we were doing backstage. With the new set, came a 6 panel “curtain” that would open and close on a pull rope. The panels were square steel tube lined with plywood, with dark blue carpet attached to the plywood, covering the panel. They were ugly to look at. The lighting designer hated them. The tech Director and assistant tech director (me) hated them. Almost everyone on crew hated them. The panel system got known as the “Big Ugly Thing.” Later on it got named the “Big Ugly Terrible Thing.” One delightful crewmember figured out that an appropriate acronym for this panel thing was BUTT.



There were three panels on each side of the stage that would fall into place next to the other as they were pulled closed. When pulled open, the middle two would slide behind the next two and then those four (two on each side of the stage) would slide behind the third and sixth stationary panels. Or at least that was how it was supposed to happen.



Final Dress Rehearsal was considered opening night because it was the night that 200+ missionaries sat out in the audience, to see the play she would be inviting those investigating the church to. On this particular DR, my tech director was absent. I was in charge.



During the show there are about 10 people on an intercom headset. The purpose is to have communication about problems or to relate cues to the crew. There are three people out in the balcony on headset who are running the lights and the sound. There are three people up on the pin rail (a place where pulleys are used with a counter weight system to bring in scenery) and then there are four people down on the stage floor (Tech director, Assistant Tech Director, Floor Manager, Head Medical Person), all on intercom headset.



On this evening, during the middle of the second act, a frantic voice is heard on the intercom. The conversation went like this:



Katie – We have a problem.

Me – What?

Katie – Butt Stuck.

Me – What was that?

Katie – Butt Stuck.

Me – Butt stuck open or closed?

Katie – Butt stuck closed.



I quickly figured out where we were at in the play. I realized that there was a large number of people that were going to be using the stairs at the back of the stage to get to the next scene. These stairs were now blocked by 6 steel panels.



Me – Can anyone see where the problem is?

Paul – This is Paul. The center panels seem to have slid in next to the next panels over. I’m trying to unstuck the butt now.

Me – Anyone else?

Mike – I’m climbing up to pin rail to see if I can get out to it from the catwalk.



For the next several minutes, blue-gelled flash lights swarmed the two center panels of the butt to see if anyone could pry it loose. Reading from left to right, the 3rd panel was our problem panel.



Mike – I can’t reach the panel. Katie is going out on the ledge. Please stand by.

Katie – This is Katie. I’m at the third butt cheek now. The panels are stuck pretty tight.

Me – Can any one get a pry tool to Katie to help pry even just a crack open?

Person I can’t remember – I have the tool and am going up to pin now to get it to Katie.

Me – Paul, how is it on the bottom?

Paul – I think it’s just stuck on the top.

Me – Okay – when this scene ends we’ll have one opportunity to unstuck the butt. Katie – Applying pry to cheek three.



Suddenly, we, and I think the whole audience, hear a pop.



Me – Okay, stay in place incase we need it to be pried open again. The scene is ending. Is everyone ready?

Mike, Paul, Katie – Ready!



As the scene ended, Mike pulled the 6 cheeks of the BUTT open and the panels slid perfectly. However, the next thing we hear is the voice of Julie, the director.



Julie – I hate to interrupt – but what is the butt?

Me – It is that big ugly terrible panel thing in the back. Why?

Julie, just wanted to know. I wanted to make sure you guys weren’t playing with each other’s butts back there.



(I had totally forgot she was listening in)

--

Each year the set gets taken down and stored. Because this was the first year with this set, each part had to be labeled. Salt Lake sent out a member of the 70 to observe. (a member of the 70 is like the assistant to the vice president in a company) I cannot tell this next part as a memory, because my mom died 4 days after closing night and so I was not there for take down. However, as it has been told to me:



Marc is labeling parts of the set. He labels the BUTT pieces Butt 1, Butt 2, Butt 3, etc. As Marc is labeling, Harold (one of the assistant Tech Directors) wonders over with the member of the 70. In the Mormon Church, things purchased with tithing money are considered sacred and are to be cared for with the best regard. The 70,was aghast that parts of “the Lord’s stage” were being labeled Butt 1 and so forth. He asked Harold and, according to what I’ve heard, just stood there, unsure how to answer. Evidently Harold had quite the array of faces he tried using before just convincing the member of the 70 to move along.

Zoe's teeth

Antioch, CA

Someone let Zoe out and she got herself into some bubble gum. So me and the ten year old fished it out of her mouth. Silly puppy.

Two Year Anniversary

Pleasanton, CA

Two years ago today on a whim I started a Photo A Day blog. Except for that one day, I've posted a picture a day for the full two years.

Last year I celebrated with Ice Cream in a paper cup. My dad's, now, ex-girlfriend gave us crap about that so this year we went out and got a good meal and cheesecake. Next year I'll just buy a restaurant.

California Sunset

Oakland, CA

(BTC)

Post #733

Sara's Choice - The Introduction

The day Kyle Murphy Fuller stabbed Gerald Smith, and shot Carrie Smith killing her and her unborn child – that was the day Fuller envisioned his perceived tragedy was extinguished, but it was a catalyst for a day that no one really saw coming and a day that would end bad for Fuller, his lover and every one who professed any type of desire to live that lifestyle. Gerald Smith had been the mayor of San Francisco at the time of his murder. For eight years, Smith had fought for the right of people in California to get married – whether they are gay or they are straight. Twice the people of California had voted that marriage was between a man and a woman. After the last loss, Smith drove his argument to the steps of the State Supreme Court. There he was given a definitive answer: No, not in California.

Many, including Fuller, looked to Smith as the reason why they would never get married in their home state. Every few years the number of registered voters that feel gay marriage is not a bad thing grows. If Smith had been more patient, some speculated, then the law wouldn’t have been so definitive. But Smith, and his damn political aspirations damaged the whole process. However, in death, Smith eventually went from Traditional Marriage foe to their hero. Old Fashioners (as they soon became known as) propped Smith up on a stick and used him as a poster of what gays are “really are like.” Old Fashioners, who had lied about a need to keep gay marriage out of the schools, now had a reason why gay marriage needed to be kept away from their children. Bumper stickers began to plaster cars “When a Old Fashioner wakes up on the Sabbath they go to church. When a gay wakes up – they destroy the mayor’s family.”

Using the death of Smith as the best example of what was wrong with the Gay community, being anti-gay took on a life of its own. Soon there were protests outside gay owned businesses and “straight sit-ins,” which was really just a place for straight couples to go and make out in front of news cameras. Straight people that helped out a gay were called “Straight Betrayers.” As this polarized both sides, Gays that helped a straight person became known as a “Gay Traitor.” It became socially acceptable again to single out gays. Billboards started to show up around the state with catchy slogans such as “Fear Queer,” “Man on Man be Damned,” “Girl on Girl make you hurl,” and “Choose Straight Every Time.” The billboards often showed what ever the undesirable activity was with a circle around it and a hash through it, like being gay was as bad as smoking in your hotel room or in a bar.

Politicians who were liberal began to fear for their lives after Kyle Murphy Fuller exterminated Smith. More and more conservative came out of the woodwork and took over the process of writing laws. Rather quickly, different aspects of homosexuality were outlawed. The first to go were gay kissing and sex. This was followed by new rules about only mixed gender massages. As the conservatives grew more powerful, their laws grew that much more stringent. Patting a ball player on his butt after a great play was gay. Dressing men in pink was gay. Guys going shopping for anything but power tools were gay. Women who hugged each other for longer than four seconds were lesbians. Women who bought power tools were lesbians. Some senators proposed women were only allowed to wear dresses, but their wives banded together and refused to give them sex, and that law never made it to fruition.

With each new law, homosexuality activities was driven deeper and deeper underground. Men were never gay in public. To convince anyone who might get suspicious, these men went through elaborate rituals to prove they weren’t. Surfing for straight porn on their work computers, spanking the fannies of the ladies at work (and then going and washing their hands afterwards), or (worse of all) telling a gay joke during a staff meeting – all of these were done to prevent people getting any other ideas.

The final act of injustice came on the eve of Kyle Murphy Fuller’s state ordered execution. Signed into law, while standing in front of a San Francisco Catholic Cathedral, the local congressmen inked an extermination order on all gays and lesbians. Just like when the Mormons were victims of an extermination order in Missouri a hundred years ago, it became legal to shoot a gay onsite with no prosecution. However, unlike the Mormons who ran to Utah, the gays turned to the days of alcohol prohibition to give them clues for their future. Instead of speakeasies, they created Slys. Slys were in a different place and only those who were told, word of mouth, knew where they were. A password was required to get in and one usually had to appear with someone of the opposite gender to get into the building but then had to touch someone of the same gender to get pass the sentinel guarding the door.



A group of people who hunted down these palaces of pleasure became known as Homo Hunters. It was the one profession that allowed for both genders to be in a police state. “Guarding our virtues and our children” was their motto, though really they were just marshaled hate groups bent on the destruction of every last gay in California.

Sara's Choice - The Character

Sara had never meant to become a Homo Hunter. It was a job that she sort of just stumbled into. The economy was stumbling at the time all of this was going on. Sara was laid off of her job as a wedding cake designer, and needed a way to pay the bills. She took the required training and passed the tests. The hardest part for her was the kiss test, not because she had a problem kissing boys but because she had never had the chance in high school. She wasn’t popular and never really dated. Growing up it didn’t really matter, but when she applied for the academy, she was grueled relentlessly about if she liked boys or girls. She really wanted the job, so she made sure she left no doubt in anyone’s mind. She practiced over and over again with her pillow (kissing a mirror was considered kissing the same gender and was outlawed) and evidentially did well enough at the test sight to get they guy’s number offered and a chance to wear the Homo Hunter Badge.

The work wasn’t easy. Sara found the work to be pretty miserable actually. They were responsible for working undercover and trying to get gays to come to them by walking the line of what was acceptable and wasn’t. Sara had a truck with a screwdriver and a saw in it and would often go to housewives homes offering to help with household honey do lists. Depending on the responses of the housewife, Sara’s crew might come back later, bust down the door and haul the woman away for being “Gay.” Often these actions were done in front of neighbors, children and husbands. If that man wanted to keep his job and his kids, he had to either disown his wife or present undisputable evidence that his wife was indeed straight. This was often a hard thing to prove. Sara was constantly being hounded by those with higher ranks to produce numbers. But Sara really struggled with the idea of breaking up families. Her mother had died when she was ten and she knew what these children faced without their mothers. Sara’s mother was drunk and hit a tree. The shame was comparable to that of having a lesbian mother.

However, Sara needed to pay the bills, so she did what she was asked. That is, she did what she was asked until that first day when she saw Krista.

Sara's choice - The Story Part 1

Sara was running with a group of men, who she flirted shamelessly with and who all thought they would get a chance to bed her someday, one day when they found out that there was a confirmed Sly in The Presidio in Northern San Francisco. They gathered up the forces and headed out. Armed with Gay Dars and tazers they approached the suspected place. Sara was assigned to go around back and watch for those trying to make a quick escape. Suddenly there was a loud crash as Sara could here the battering ram knocking down the door. There were screams, yelling and the sounds of brut force being used to knock those homos into submission. Sara heard the noise ever so quietly. On the north side of the house there was a cellar door opening up. Emerging was the most beautiful woman Sara had ever seen. This woman had brown curly hair and green eyes, her face was perfectly shaped and her lips looked like they could seduce even the most hardened asocial person. Sara took note of this woman’s average waist size and short-mounded bottom. Sara was also in shock over her immediate lust for this woman. She had never had these feelings before, but there she was wetting her lips in anticipation of a kiss or even just a peck on the cheek of this woman.

Over her ear piece, interrupting her outlawed thoughts Sara heard her commander. “Do you have any one back there? Are there any of those politician murdering homos that got away?” Sara paused. First the first time in taking over this job, she paused. She had never paused before. That was why she was allowed to go to Slys with the men – she knew she was the best at catching “these” people as any of them. But that day, as she stood there watching this woman, she paused in her response.

She wondered who this woman was? Beyond loving another woman, what had this woman done wrong? Just like how not every Muslim has flown airplanes into buildings, not all gays are the people at Gay Pride Parades of the past and nor is every lesbian to be equated with that monster, Kyle Fuller. This woman might be of some value beyond just being straight or gay. So Sara paused.

He squawked again at her and threatened to come back there to check on her. Sara responded this time “Nothing I can’t handle.” With that Sara rushed to this woman’s side. Sara inquired of a name and the name Krista Waters was revealed. Krista pleaded for her freedom, and again, Sara paused. Should she help this woman who looked so normal or should she turn her in?

I will answer next week on Tuesday Fiction.