Monday, May 17, 2010

The voice of my God, and the things He chooses to tell me

(A grove near my office that in theory I could come read my book during my lunch)

On Sunday I met with my bishop and had a rather strange experience happen. He ended my church discipline and restored my priesthood. For the first time since February 2007, on Sunday I can take the sacrament. I'm humbled by this course change in my life. For the first time in a long time, I have felt deeply loved by my Heavenly Father. The words I have sought for from my Heavenly Father were delivered in my Bishops voice. No one could know that those were the words I was praying for because I rarely pray out loud.  Usually, my time talking to God is done as I drive my truck to or from work. But as I sat in my bishop's Fairfield, the words I have pleaded for came to me. Then the words I hadn't quite asked for came to me. We discussed my on again off again relationship with Amy. He asked why we broke up this time and I told him it came down to her desire to remain a free spirit and be spontaneous and my craving for structure including planned activities and planned dates. The next words out of my bishop's mouth were "Opposites attract." He mentioned that he is a planner and his wife is not. He said that it was something that he and her just had to get over. So all day long today that's been on my mind. Do opposites really attract? 
In a recent post I talked about the qualities of girlfriend's past. Today involved more thinking about past girlfriends. I wonder if maybe I'm doing this dating thing wrong. I wonder if my approach to Amy was founded wrong. I wonder if I am looking for "the perfect girl" and ignoring that there are some near perfect girls out there. I thought I had perfection with KNJ, and yet, now, 6 years later, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather not be married to as what she does with her life now.  I look at Mahon and Cindy (99% of my understanding of them is through the internet so I may not see the whole picture) and they seem "perfect" for each other. I never get the feeling that they were opposites that chose to forgo a quality they wanted in a spouse. I look at my own parents. My father was catholic and my mother was Mormon. She was a nurse and my father faints at the sight of vomit. My father was in into technology and my mother still sent snail mail letters up to the month she died. Yet for 32 years they made and amazing life together full of trips, vacations, children, struggles and joys. In just the last 10 years of her life, my mother had over 20 surgeries and she came to from those surgeries with a man who helped build ramps so she could get in and out of the house; he set up her flowers on sprinkler systems so that her flowers would get watered while she was in the hospital. Did their opposites attract and create this life? Should I be looking for an opposite? Or should I be looking for for the girl I think would be perfect for me? 

Today was a day of pondering. Thank goodness I have my new iTouch to listen to. As I strolled through the grove tonight on my way out to my truck, I pondered and listen to Hilary play this song.


  1. OK... I wrote a comment but it ended up huge, so I emailed it instead.

  2. CL's dad here. My cousin is single still (47 now). In college he dated a LOT of amazing women. He always broke it off when the next step was marriage. We had many talks in college about "how do you know the right woman?" I think he spent, and maybe still is, the whole time looking for a visit from an angel or a note from his Bishop that the girl he was dating was the right one.

    I look at how my wife and I got engaged. Neither one of us can point to any one thing that said, "yep, they are the one". There were a series of "this just feels right". Or "this feels very comfortable" this way. We finally got engaged when my brother said he thought we were more serious than I was admitting and I either had to proceed or backoff and do what I kept saying ("I need to date others to know if she is the right one"). In that moment I realized I didn't really want to date others, I just wanted to be with her. So I proposed. No angels, no notes from Bishop's, no burning in my chest (ok, that came later when I was praying to "know for sure" even though I really knew).

    So I don't know about opposites (although my wife are quite different on many things, but follow your heart and don't look for the fireworks in the sky to confirm.