Thursday, March 25, 2010

Pondering upon girlfriends past

Last Monday, Amy came over to the house to pick up some work related items from Dave. While there she gave me a hug. It wasn't a quick hug but one of those hugs that tells you "I will hug you for as long as you need this hug. I am your friend, I love you and I want you to feel loved and comforted." I did linger in my hug, because on that day, I could have used a hug.

After Amy left, I got to thinking about the qualities of girlfriends past. Five girlfriends come to mind (Disclaimer 1): Amy, Nina, Melinda, B'Shaun and KNJ-P. For various reasons, I miss a piece of each one of these girls.

Amy was always free with her affection. I have met girls that only give affection when they want it, but not Amy. If I wanted a hug or a kiss, she was glad to oblige, with no alternative motive. Additionally she used to hold me. I know it is the strong guy that is supposed to hold the girl as she is comforted through her life, but sometimes I just want to be held. She would curl up with me and wrap her arms around me and make me feel safe. Because of past experiences, I have a real hard time feeling safe, but with her, I was safe.
Anoter great aspect about Amy is her ability to see the world through a much simpler way. She enjoys the simple things in life and doesn't require a lot of complication to be happy or satisfied. Since dating her,I tend to look morefor the positive in people, seek out happy moments and enjoy more of the sun on my face than curse it.

Nina has several redeeming qualities. To start out with, she is super smart. She studies hard and knows her material well. I can ask her a slew of questons and she often knows the answer and is able to teach it to me. Another great quality of Nina is her ability to call me on my crap. I make a lot of excuses for myself and Nina has the ability to call me onmy excuses and get me to admit I'm putting out a line of bull. In other words, she knocks down my pride and humbles me. No matter how smart other people think I am, she is able to point out to me the things I'm really smart about and the things I'm just making up as I go along. Furthermore, she inspires me to go and learn more about the things I know crap about because I hate being called out on it. Lastly, Nina has taught me to love animals more. As I learn to love animals more, especially dogs, I find myself becoming more social. Just last weekend, I went hiking at a place that had maybe 60 dogs scattered through out the park. I got to meet several owners and talk to them about the park, their dogs, and other topics.

Melinda gave me a greater appreciation for the outdoors. While she still can't convince me that camping is "fun," I love going out hiking and seeing new things in nature. When we were dating in Rexburg, we went out almost every night on a walk. I learned the streets of Rexburg well and had some great adventures that I still refer to today. I learned about plants and nature and national parks and all sorts of things. In addition to the walks, Melinda gave me the gift of learning about the world I live in. Both of us actively read the National Geographic magazine and discuss the contents. Though I loved learning before, Melinda really helped me focus my learning. Melinda's enthusiasm for the National Parks System helps fuel my enthusiasm for the Parks system and my desire to wander through it. In addition to nature, Melinda keeps my passions alive in helping people with disabilities. Part of her extra ciricular activities at BYUI is to keep Adaptive Activities alive and well. Just this past weekend Melinda helped host a Goalball event. Melinda is not blind or in a wheelchair, but her continued desire to help those that are and teach those that aren't reminds me of my desire to do the same.

B'Sean has an enthusiasm for life like nothing else. This girl is excited For pretty much anything. She can go up to complete strangers and talk to them like they were in the war together. I'm a bit anti-social, but B'Sean taught me to be a little more open. She helped me figure out that I'm anti-social to groups, but that small groups or one on one is fine for me. She got me to try new things and be willing to leave my comfort zones. B'Sean is always a good ear as well. She (and the three previously mentioned) is more than willing to sit there and listen during those times when I just need someone to hear me.

KNJ-P had the ability to instill self confidence and the ability to do the one thing no one else has been able to do: teach me about me. Sure she was able to do a lot more and taught me to hold myself to a higher standard, but the one thing I always think about when it comes to her was her ability to teach me about meShe had this strange ability to look into me and interpet my actions, my words, and my past in a way that brought sanity to me. I have never felt as safe or as understood by someone as much as she did and then taught me to do. Because of her, I believed I could do so much. I took on a lot of fears head on because she told me I could handle it and then was to help support me when I faltered (it turned out she was often right too. I could handle those fears.). Another great redeeming quality was her loyalty. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I very plainly told KNJ that we should break up. She calmy told me that she loves me and that she will be with me through good and bad. And until it became very clear 18 months later that our relationship had run its course, KNJ stuck to that. She was firecly loyal to me and to our relationship. The last thing I really liked about KNJ was that she was constantly thinking and constantly planning. She probably had ten projects going on in her head at a time. One time I heart attacked her room (took construction paper,cut it up into heart shapes, tossed them around her room and on her bed.). She thought it was cute, said thank you, and I thought that was it. Two months later, she got a friend and not only heart attacked my room but put 15 different oragamy figurines through out my room with little quotes attatched to them. She was planning it the whole time, while also carrying a full load of classes and designing a 20 foot Chineese dragon puppet. Little things like that continued through our relationship as she was constantly thinking about other things to add to our relationship. It was creatively nice.

As I ponder about these past girlfriends, I'm reminded that I trully am blessed. I'm still close friends with four of them. And I have these great gifts that I have been given from dating these wonderful women. I love animals, people, nature and life. I've learned about the world I live in, new activities and about myself. 4.5 (disclaimer #2) of these women tell me that they too were given a lot through our dating and that they were blessed because of the experience and enjoy being near me.

As I look though the girls on (rant #1), I am sadly disapointed because of the standard these previous women have given.

Disclaimer 1: Melinda and B'Shaun have never been an offical "Girlfriend of Sean" but both have been dated more times than some ex-girlfriends I have had.
Disclaimer 2: KNJ-P and I have a civil relationship now. The other four women get along fine with me. KNJ-P has said in the past that dating me was a great experience but she has no desire to be close now. I'm okay with that.
Rant 1: Okay, I realize that, to most people, getting a little buzzed sounds fun, but come on. Seriously is there that few number of people who don't smoke and don't drink alcohol that they just don't show up on online dating sites?

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