Monday, December 21, 2009

Failing all of the people some of the times

In May of 2008, John and I were sitting around our apartment talking about another friend Robin. We hadn't seen robin for a rather long time and thought it would be nice to have dinner with her. So John, Robin, Jeremy (Robin's son) and I found a night when we were all available and met in Concord at an Italian resteraunt John and I both love. Things went well so we made a plan to do it again in June. This time we met at a pace called the Front Room. Things once again went well. In July we met as a group for the last time. Jeremy was moving out of state and John and I had a strained relationship after we were evicted from our apartment. In August Robin and I met for dinner. This time she brought two other friends: Amy and Shell. As the months progressed and word of our "dinner group" got out, various people rotated into the group.

Our dinner group now has a standard eight with four more that show up as time permits. In the group is friends and friends of friends. From the dinner group at least two relationships have started and one relationship was started but couldn't get off the ground.

Now the Dinner group is progressing toward the 19th month mark and it seems to have become filled with drama. There are bad feelings that are interchanged between group members. There are people in the group that RSVP and then bail at the last moment. There are members of the group that never come but get offended if they aren't invited.

I feel the group has gotten too big and that limits my ability to have close relationships with all people in the group - and to remedy that I have tried meeting with individuals. However if I meet with person A and person B finds out they are sometimes hurt that they weren't invited. If I set up to do something with person C and have to cancel, they tell me it is because I spend all my time with person A and they are getting shafted on their Sean time.

Beyond eating together, the group has also morphed into an activities group. Once again, if I want to go on an activity with Person A, Person D gets offended they weren't invited. If Person D organizes an event I'm just not that interested in and so therefore decline - Person D gets offended that I'm not going and not supporting her activity. (even though she supports mine - like it is some sort of contest that we are keeping score at)
This month was particularily rough. I planned an Activity on the 11th. One person was offended that she wasn't invited. One person RSVP'd and didn't show up. One person was mad at me because I had done something to tick her off.

On Saturday, I was having a special day with Person A. We decided to invite two other people to spend time with us to go see a movie. That person then invited one other person. We built our movie time schedule around that 5th person. They RSVP and then bailed 30 minutes before the movie started.

After the movie on Saturday, I checked my e-mail to see if any one had solidified plans for Sunday. No one had. So I made plans for a dinner of 6 people. I was BBQing and I was buying the meat. I purposely only invited 6 people. Other members of the big group got invited by those I had invited. I wasn't sure we would have enough meat and it being the sabbath I didn't want to promote making a purchase (we did anyway). But instead of seeing it from that perspective - the people who invited others accused me of shunning the others in the group. I tried to protest this idea but I was out ruled. The person that I didn't invite that others invited - came, made a big deal out of what there was to do and how she had to wash dishes to help, and then left without eating anything after we had gone out and bought extra meat for her.

On alternating Mondays for the last 8 weeks, I have had some one on one time with Person Z. We get together, eat cookies, and watch TV - all the while complaining about school. I had to cancel for tonight because I'm running out of clean clothes and because I'm packing to move on the 31st. However, Person Z automatically blamed the time I spent with Person A over the weekend as the reason I had to cancel with Person Z. In fact she said that friends in relationships always become unreliable.
This being a rant I guess I should rant and not just state facts in evidence. I'm annoyed at my group of friends. I'm tired of planning events and being bailed on or yelled at about not inviting certain people. I'm tired of people hi-jacking events and adding others who I didn't invite because i was trying to keep the group small. I'm tired of all of the drama that comes with trying to organize events. I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired.

and now I'm done ranting. Have a great rest of the day.

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