Depressed Dear

After alerting America to the great threat that consumes our country with Jack Rabbit Terrorists, I feel it's important to mention that the various deer that scatter our nation's country side are not terrorists. Instead, they are depressed suicidal deer bent on ending their existence of constantly being compared to Bambi.

It's a hard life for a deer since the corruption of the Disney Empire and their sadistic cartoonist have produced that magical movie. Did the cartoonist really have to make Bambi so cute? No, but they did just to screw with every normal deer nation wide.

Do you realize how old it gets hearing yourself constantly compared to a fictional character? For the same reason most women oppose porn, deer oppose Bambi and his perfectness. Bambi is not real yet people are constantly looking at deer and saying "Aww! Isn't he cute? He looks just like Bambi." or worse "Aww! Isn't he cute. He's almost as cute as Bambi." No one can be as perfect as an unrealistic creature. It's just impossible.

But the true depression comes during hunting season. when shouts of acclamations chorus through the forest "Yup, I shot him right between the eyes. I shot Bambi's daddy." Ted the deer and Steve the deer are screaming at the top of their lungs, "That's not Bambi's dad. He was my father." Not even in the murdering and slaughtering of their own parents can they find ownership. Their own fathers are seen as "Bambi Dads." Not even in death can they escape Bambi.

It is these reasons that lead deer to commit suicide daily. Living in a world where Bambi has been is just too much for these dear poor deer to handle and they just get to a breaking point that a moving automobile is a better outlet than a life being compared to Bambi.