The Hunt

It's colder this morning. Or at least it feels colder. I'm not about ready to look at the thermostat to confirm. It might be worse than I think it is. Yesterday at least my nose hairs thawed out. Not today. I'm still choking on the ice in my head.

The shelter last night was adequate. I wasn't terribly cold anywhere but where my nose and mouth stuck out of the sleeping bag. I'm glad I brought extra clothes for the trip in. Between the snow drifts and the times when the snow was up to my waist, even my fourth layer got wet. It will be two days before I see the truck again. I just have to stay warm and dry until then.

I must admit yesterday was a disappointing day. I thought I would be able to bag a trophy in that first cave, but the residents were far gone. Sadly I have to travel deeper into the forest today. I spent last night dreaming of Bernstein burgers and all of the other gummi insides waiting for me at the end of this hunt. I could almost taste the smoky meat. It would be like lighting a forest fire of taste in my mouth. I could see it spreading fast and being delicious. The only thing preventing it was this bloody cold. That is why I must keep moving.

On the horizon I can see another cave. I approach the cave with my musket in hand, ready and loaded. As I creep in, ever so slowly, the cave warms me. No more wind or snow being blown all about. The walls of the cave protect me.

Suddenly, in the back of the cave, in the corner, I see my trophy. Curled up, sound asleep, so deeply dreaming it doesn't even sense my presence.

Some hunters enjoy the thrill of the hunt. Not me. I'd rather get the animal while it is hibernating. I bring up the muzzle to the bear's ear. Moments before pulling the trigger I feel a muzzle up close to me ear.

"Stop right there Ted." I hear. "It's not bear season and you know it. Put the gun down."

I lower my rifle and turn. Staring at me is Ranger Yogi, his Betetta pointed right at my head. "I saw your truck and knew what you were up to. I've been tracking you ever since. It looks like I got here just in time."

In time for the bear, I think. But not in time for me. It looks like I will have to wait another year to bring home my trophy bear. Because waiting outside the cave is a cold cold park ranger truck and and a year in jail.