Saturday, April 11, 2009

Angel Baby

Rocking my baby
Back and forth
Back and forth

You sleep so quietly
Not a word exits
Not a worry enters

Your blond hair rests on he head
Shortly above your scrunched up face
And closed eyes

If only you knew what stood before you
You would stop sleeping to start crying
For this shall be a bad life

Born to a dead father
Who died as he jumped from a bridge
Upon learning of her becoming of birth

Next, my angel baby, you lost your mother
Who had lived with me
After her shameful parents gave her a box

But this is history
For now my baby is at a lost
Since I watched your mother pass away

This, only moments after giving birth
To you, angel in my arms,
Fighting to keep you, angel baby, alive only to die herself

Now angel, you are mine
For this your mother requested
If, by chance, all went wrong

Which by my shear sorrow
This has happened
And now you, Angel baby, sleeps

You sleep not knowing of your future
Not a word
Not a worry

For you know not
This life will be hard
Hard as a rock

You only feel warmth in this white blanket
As your body shifts positions
And my hand-made blanket turns

Oh you're so lucky
While most teens abort
Here you are in my arms

We rock some more
Back and forth
Back and forth

I hold you tighter
Softly singing many lullabies
That tell of a perfect world that shall not exist

How lucky not to realize
How bad your life will be
Not good as in my notes of song
You do not know
That you are poor
Or that you are rich

This matters not to you
All you feel is the fabric
Of your soft blanket

Tomorrow you will see
As your dear mother's coffin
Kisses the ground

And, my poor Angel,
You shall feel nothing
Only the rough wood of the black box

You will never understand
The love you were washed in
By just that one person-being your mother

You are still washed, though
This love flows all over you
This comes from me

But who am I
Only a 17 year-old boy
Without a future

Not a plan to my name
No ideas of fatherhood
Only a roof to put over your head

How lucky I'm to have my wonderful parents
To keep me
And allow your mother

Now they say they'll help me
With what ever I need
To keep you, my beautiful baby,

But this won't last long
With my parents money spread thin
We'll soon be poor

No matter what
I'll always love you, Angel,
No matter what

We continue to rock
Not a worry enters
Not a word exits

Now I cry for I know
I know that you are my baby
And I cry for I know nothing about being a parent

I never learned which was which
Between Gerber
And the Pampers

How am I to know
Where ever do I place them
Where from your head to toe

So now you sleep
Both hungary
And also unclothed

Oh my Angel
I'm so sorry
Please forgive me

Your mother loved you so much
I shall never be able to show you
How much I love, too

I'll never be home
I'll have food on the table
At the cost of love

But believe me
I love you, Angel
I'm so very sorry

You were and are loved so much
You deserve better
You have rights to so much more

You've lost so much
Not even the true parents of your mom
Are willing to partake of your beauty

"Not a child of teen pregnancy!"
They shouted as your mother came to them
Only to be casted out with sure hate in their taste.

Never again did they allow her near them
So I found her in the rain
Asleep in her "Toys-R-Us" box

She slept cautiously
Not more than eight feet near her
Before she awoke with club in hand

She cried when my face became clear
She knew I came in peace
For she had heard that her sister had broken off with me

She knew I had come for her
She knew I had come to help
She was pregnant with you for two months

Your new grandparents gave her love
She too was washed
She was washed 'till the day of her pass

Her joy was high
We gave her your new room
Which she decorated blue

She never thought you,
My Angel,
Would be a girl

You were to be Bob
Maybe Fred
Timmy or Tommy

Now as you sleep in your warm blanket
You sleep silently
You sleep a girl

You are just an Angel
Angel Baby
My baby of no name

Rocking in our chair
Back and forth
Back and forth

Not a worry
Not a word
Silently sleeping

Do you realize that this is it
I can offer no more
This is all I have

Your crib is a donation from my parents
Not a "daddy" made as I wanted too
Which I sweat with pain making

The only cloths are for your older years
All to wear now is a half knitted sock
Which your mother tried at

This is all you'll ever have
Only donations
Others used stuff

Just this
For my sleeping Angel of no name
Nothing more

No stuffed animals that didn't come in covered wagons
All from others
All donations

I'm so sorry baby
I'm so sad for you
You'll never have what I had

So lets rock some more
Lets not worry
Lets not release our words

We'll feed you later
Maybe even a diaper, too
But sleep now, Angel

Back and forth
Back and forth

-- written 1995