from my life.

I have a five year-old client I see regularly. Today we were working on getting his heels to do something when suddenly he looks up and says “Mr. Sean. I have big heals. They are almost as big as your hands.”

“Is there anything else they are almost as big as?” I asked.

“They are as big as – oh wait no – your belly is bigger.”

The lesson of today: My hands are big but not as big as my belly.

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Yesterday I was at a customer’s house fixing their water manifold. A neighbor was over catching up on all the gossip. Evidently Neighbor A (let’s name her Joan) was having and affair with neighbor B (Let’s name him John). John’s wife got pregnant and so Joan decided that she didn’t think John should be double dipping and so Joan cut John off. This did not make John happy and he took the skills he learned in Iraq to bust down Joan’s door (during her family dinner, with her kids and husband) and try to kill her.

As I listened to my customers and their friend I listened to the morals of the story suggested (Don’t make John mad. Buy heavier doors. Get to know your neighbors better.) After a while I couldn’t resist offering up my suggestion of a lesson to learn. “Don’t have affairs.” They responded “Oh yeah – good idea. We should avoid having affairs too.”

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Over Dinner on Sunday we were discussing temple worship. One of the children talked about doing Baptisms for the Dead. I mentioned that I hate that term and wished we would call it Baptisms for the previously living. “Baptisms for the Dead” make it sound like we are digging up graves to do the baptism. Jim (the dad of the family I was with) chimed in and said, “Yes, that would be like baptizing Zombies.” I couldn’t resist “Yes and you know the hardest part about baptizing zombies – getting their arms underwater.”

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In May I’m going up to see Nina in Oregon. We dated for 6 months a few years ago. We’ve remained friends over time. I told my father I was going and he asked if he could come. When I asked him why he said he wanted to drop some stuff off at one ex-girlfriend’s place and have lunch with another ex-girlfriend. “Isn’t this the ‘ex-girlfriend trip’?” I told him it wasn’t. Oh, he responded. Evidently he’s been craving a road trip and thought that this would kill two birds with one stone: see the open road and unload stuff on ex-girlfriends.